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Consumer 6
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Joined: Sun Sep 25, 2011 4:20 am
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- July 2019
Empowering thought choice.
   Fri Jul 26, 2019 11:27 pm
The two of you need to meet.
   Sun Jul 07, 2019 11:29 pm
Awaken to your pattern of thinking
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 11:21 pm

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1 out of 52 out of 53 out of 54 out of 55 out of 5

Body dysmorphia. The child's story.

Permanent Linkby margharris on Thu Mar 05, 2015 4:14 am

The inner child's story is the story of our history. It contains all that we have felt. The shame, blame and guilt of not fully measuring up is all stored away. Now life is a long journey and we were never made to accomplish it all perfectly without fault. A mistake was only a step in our learning. If we never made a mistake and corrected it we would only be repeating what we already knew. But some of us feel that worry of not getting it right much more intensely than others. The feeling of failing fills them with dread. It becomes a safer feeling to avoid doing anything that might contain the risk of failing to be right. That can easily be translated into an intolerance of anything less than perfect.
When perfection is achieved there is no risk of blame, shame, or guilt. In this insidious way some of us have calibrated our internal wiring to take the negative perspective, trying to eliminate faults rather than see all that we are that is worthy of praise. Without that positive balance our perspective can become seriously skewed. We start blaming ourselves for all sorts of things beyond our control. We start to find fault with the smallest of concerns, completely blowing them out of all proportion.
So as you feel more disappointment in yourself for all these shortcomings, you move further away from that core belief in your own love and value. You abandon the emotional needs of your own inner child. That need is for your love and acceptance unconditionally, just the way you are. Your faults, your mistakes are only human and can be easily forgiven. You were never meant to be perfect.

Likewise the people in your life who have let you down and have made you feel inadequate need your understanding and forgiveness. This forgiveness is not for them but for yourself. When they hurt you, you picked up their opinion and carried the hurt with you. Your inner child feels all that hurt as you have bundled up all these feelings inside you.

So all of us have some level of self abandonment. It is part of all our history we carry with us. We took the blame for our parent's argument. We took the blame for the break up. We got fired from the job. We couldn't find a partner or our partner failed to love us as we deserved. We have felt unworthy of love because we weren't good enough.
So how do we process all this past baggage we carry with us into the here and now. We carry our feelings in the stories we make up to explain how we feel. Marg

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1 out of 52 out of 53 out of 54 out of 55 out of 5

Body dysmorphia, a link between emotion and behaviour

Permanent Linkby margharris on Wed Mar 04, 2015 4:29 am

I think before one starts to unravel or tame the worst aspects of a disorder like BDD, one has to have a framework for analyzing behaviours and their motivation. I like the concept of three components to the personality. We are all used to hearing about the vulnerable and needy inner child. We are also familiar with the adult self that has to initiate to give us an adult directed life. I think the concept of a third entity, the Outer child or teenager is a valuable construct. The teenager or outer child is responsible for all our compulsive, impulsive selfish behaviour the falls short of being responsible and accountable to our adult.
So in getting better from any mental illness we have to calm the frightened inner child, tame the urges of our teenager and strengthen and align with wisdom our true adult self. We are then accepting and in harmony with all that we are and the potential within can flow. We have resolved our inner conflicts of who we truly are. Marg

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1 out of 52 out of 53 out of 54 out of 55 out of 5

Body dysmorphia, abandonment and rejection.

Permanent Linkby margharris on Tue Mar 03, 2015 10:33 pm

Historically, many of us have experienced abandonment and rejection. It maybe that our parents or our parent's parents have recounted stories of how bad their rejection was. I know abandonment was part of the landscape for both my husband and I.

I did retell the story to my own children to explain the absence of grandparents. My own father died at 42 years old and my mother moved on to a neighbour, 8 weeks later. She was too narcissitic to care for children who gave her no return. My brother and I were left alone.

My husband had a very different but equally negligent parenting. His father descended into alcoholism and his mother was too war torn to emotionally connect. As a very beautiful, blonde haired, Polish 18 year old, her time through the war was spent nightly above a cafe. I don't think anyone can expect to come out of that still feeling emotion. She had just shut down in order to cope. My husband bonded to the cot space he was left in.

Many of us carry this history of abandonment and rejection. Perhaps it makes our children more sensitive to it as well. In our life journey we have to acknowledge the legacy from our ancestors.

But we too may be guilty of abandoning and rejecting our own selves. Making that judgement that we are not good enough to care for our own selves well must be felt as a terrible wounding to our psychic. We look for our own true adult to tell us we are acceptable just the way we are. Marg

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1 out of 52 out of 53 out of 54 out of 55 out of 5

Body dysmorphia. Hope finding the wayout.

Permanent Linkby margharris on Tue Mar 03, 2015 5:23 am

There is a lot to understand in body dysmorphia. On the surface it seems like a simple obsession, an exaggerated concern about body image that might readily be removed with a bit of reassurance. But this is not the experience of someone in the grips of BDD. The dimensions are far more than what is conveyed by the definition. So far the cure seems to be medically unreachable given our current understanding. This blog attempts to track our journey in search of the cure or at least a manageable life free of distressing symptoms.

Over the course of this blog I might mention our history as I care for my son through this journey but it is not my intention to start from the beginning. Where we are now is the compelling story for me to write as I am through the defining of the illness and seek the path out.

So lets consider an underlying biochemical fault and how it manifests..

Where is the threat? There is a sense of worry in the makeup of a BDDer and OCDer. That worry might first have been noticed as a small child confronted with the cracks in the pavement. Somehow the desire to step on the cracks or miss the cracks had greater meaning. If a crack was missed the desire to go back to get it right was too powerful to just simply ignore. Now most of us as small children did play with the cracks at times but a child with an OCD substrate plays with a lot greater intensity. The emotions become engaged.
It is the same with any small responsibility. The light was switched off but a moment later a worry was felt. A story followed quickly to explain the sensation. Perhaps you left it on. Better check to get it right. If you turned the tap off, a moment later you might have felt a worry that you didnt get it right. The worrying anxiety was felt and the story explained your concerning need to check.
Perhaps you had to clean your room. But just as you finished you might have felt that worrying doubt. Did you do enough to get it right? So you went back to clean some more. You might have been very worried over a piece of paper you had been given. Was it important? Should you keep it? There was this worrying doubt so just to be safe you decided it had to be kept.
It is this very simple worry linked to being responsible and accountable that was first felt as an unwelcome sensation and quickly explained by doubting your own performance. This habit of your brain led to your first need to check. And you have been checking ever since.

But there never was anything wrong with you or your performance. Your brain was wired in such a way as to create this worry on whatever you focused on. It is still doing that today as you struggle with BDD. The threat is coming from your own brain as it creates feelings and stories that try to explain why you feel what you feel.

Hopeful we can see our way out of this habit. I do believe it is possible. Marg

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