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margharris
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Body dysmorphia: What a date can do?

Permanent Linkby margharris on Sun May 24, 2015 11:04 pm

There is nothing like a date to pick someone up. The anticipation anxiety was a bit hellish but he managed. The bedroom texting had been going on for weeks but he looked too unwell to actually ever get to the dating stage. The day before preparation had begun with a hairwash. He got through that, then wanted a cut the next morning. I was a bit terrified to be honest. He just didn't seem ready.
I think he took an extra dose of Lyrica in the morning but was still able to function at lot better than he had all week. He managed a salon cut of the sides and back and we were able to sit in a bright coffee lounge. He was out of the house finally and actually enjoying himself. Distraction was working again to reduce his BDD symptoms.
The dose of Prozac is now 60mg. It is about 6 weeks since we started the therapeutic dose of 40mg on April 11th. I actually had to force the issue for him to take it at 10am but he seems to be tolerating it now much better than I would have expected. I didn't notice the akathisia shakes all day. This medication cocktail seems to be working for him. There is no head in the fridge side effect. He is not interested in food unless i am not around. Then he might raid the fridge of anything sweet. He tells me he has lost weight. I think he has too.
On his return from his date he was able to tell me all his conversations. It seemed to go really well. He has a marvellous personality but I was expecting the anxiety to kick in as it had done in the past. But there was no repeating of sentences.
The BDD is still there. This is just a distraction that is working on a functional part of his brain. But he hasn't been sounding this positive since before Christmas.
He did wake with a morning panic but was able to tame it down. He only repeated sentences of alarm a couple of times. Whether he now can put his functional mind to do something else will be today's test. His body hair seems to be more of an issue. He believes he feels it grow. Most likely does with the level of close attention he gives it.
I think we need a return to a more functional self before we tackle any of his BDD symptoms. Just pleased and hopeful that the worst is behind us. But with hair as the issue, no day is a certainty.

So I am now thinking this illness is something more like epilepsy. In epilepsy the physical body is hijacked by an electrical storm in the brain. Once this was seen as a sign of demonic possession. it was completely misunderstood as it could not be controlled by logic. So sinister explanations persisted. Some form of karmic justice.
In a similar way BDD is a hijack of the emotional reasoning part of the brain. A brain triggering causing immense panic that cannot be tamed by logic. Because it is deep in the brain, it is more primal. It is an arousal fear that is constantly looking for context to attach to. Hopefully our functional MRIs will be able to clarify the picture. We are booked in for mid June.
Wish you well. So yes, we will find a functional cure for BDD. It will be like epilepsy or asthma. You learn what it really is and what you need to do to stop an exacerbation. You just can't ever forget that it is there dormant. Marg.

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