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margharris
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Body dysmorphia: Suicidal thoughts

Permanent Linkby margharris on Thu Mar 19, 2015 10:46 pm

He mentioned again his thoughts on suicide. It is a part of this illness to opt for the way out when you fail to find the solve you want or need. It is part of that teenager mentality to want another quick fix. He still isn't in a recovery mindset that recognizes what he wants might not be a doable. The question to really ask is, "What he can do?"
The goal needs to be to accept and love yourself unconditionally. Your body and its look,is part of the accepting. Filling your life with what you need really links into that thinking on what you can do to make your life better now. I suppose I am asking him to surrender in a fight. It is like a give up for the teenager and a suit up for the adult.
Taming the teenager is a long way off. He likes to bait me into defending my position. He will say stuff like, " I am going to be a slave to a hat for life." " I am a slapstick."
Of course he ropes me in yet again. I tell him he sounds ridiculous exaggerating and he then allows himself the opportunity to raise the screaming and let out the build up of emotion. I suppose that was why he said it in the first place. Just another way to vent. I know I have to listen to how upset he is more effectively. But once the door opens, he can never down escalate to resolve so a scream seems inevitable. I am finding it hard not to get jumpy around him when he starts on his topic. He always reaches the unsolvable issues and then can't understand why things cant be solved as he needs. Emotions start getting unmanageable.

Even though this illness has a strong biological component, I am still seeing the need for the illness symbolically as a way of remaining focused on a hurdle that holds the person from the freedom of adulthood. All the petty cares of comparing looks and wanting a perfect look are miles away from a life focused on paying the bills, getting up for work, filling the fridge, or doing a spot of exercise.
Adults have to mind filter the rubbish away so they can get the job of life done. But for a BDDer that mind filter doesnt work.

I had thought that only a trigger event in the teens had started my son's BDD. Apparently, I was wrong. He has recently told me that he would sit in the back seat of the car being driven to school and hate on his father's horseshoe hair line from the back. He was thankful with his thick hair it wouldn't happen to him. He was probably around 8. So he valued hair first and then his hair was devalued with the girlfriend's comment. That set up the template experience for the amygdala to follow. It sends a panic anytime he feels his hair maybe the subject of devaluing. That devaluing makes him feel inadequate and helpless. So if he is in any situation that also triggers feeling of inadequacy and helplessness,one could expect BDD will flare. That is how his genius has let him express it.

Healing has got to arrive through love. He will need to forgive himself of his own judgements about hairloss. That is a societal thing. The idea that it is a choice best avoided. There 's some appeal to valuing yourself as an aesthetic object. You don't have to value that doing of stuff that matters.

I hope we have a better day and learn a bit more bout the journey out. Marg

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