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margharris
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Body dysmorphia: Living with the dread of your body

Permanent Linkby margharris on Sun Apr 19, 2015 4:38 am

My son's BDD is spiking. He is confined to bed. He cries that he is really unwell. He touches all the time. Then that triggers a story of high testosterone or DHT levels. He pleads for blood tests to prove his recent hypothesis is true so he finally knows the cause of the loss. He draws me into an argument and I have to leave the room.
He thinks people will not go out with him because he is too dishevelled. It sounds so ridiculous and it is. He is a good looking guy but just so anxious and sick. He then says he feel like he is boiling up. He runs to the tap for a large drink of water.
It is all a behaviour pattern of obsession but to him it is all real. In this level of distress it is hard for him to see any other perspective. He can't take that step back and see himself as so ill that he must be doing something wrong. He must be prepared to change. He needs to have some physical willingness to try and do stuff that matters. He needs the perspective that you the reader has when you have the ability to question what he is doing.
With that thought in mind, I might ask him why he continues to do the things he does. So just have.
His answer was that he was helpless and hopeless and should have killed himself long ago. I think he just shocked himself with that answer. But he is living in his own hell. How much worse can this get?
The option of a long stay hospital looks more of an inevitability while he remains unwilling to do anything else.
Fortunately the mornings have an ending. A bit of akathisia but not unbearable. Upped the Prozac to 20mg. He only notices that it is harder to cry now. Watched an NBA playoff game as distraction works well. He was able to focus. Anything is a plus to grab onto.
Tomorrow is the next appointment with the Professor. He is probably a bit nervous as he is already saying he will need a hat. He called out,"mum" again from the bedroom. It is like a tourettes tic. The anxiety is so great. He just said his BDD is chronic. But he still isn't trying to really stop it. He still argues for it despite all its distorted logic. He knows he has BDD but cant seem to connect the dots and realize what he is thinking, saying and doing is wrong. Just because you think it or feel it doesn't make it true or real. Marg

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