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margharris
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Body dysmorphia: Living hell

Permanent Linkby margharris on Sat Apr 25, 2015 1:47 am

He has been so bad that I haven't had a moment to post anything. Most of the day he spends in bed or watching NBA. When bed ridden he calls out every 5 minutes. He comes after me when I dont respond. I leave the house multiple times a day. The police have been called once as he prevented me from leaving and held my arms so tightly that we ended up in a physical fight. I was trying to kick him away with my feet. He got my handbag and started slamming me with it. It was over in seconds but I needed to acknowledge how bad it was. The police have been here before with an overdose attempt so they were aware of how he is. It is insanity but to him it is hair. The young officer attending was shaved to a number one so I can't imagine what he must make of it. He was surprised he hadn't been hospitalized in all the 16 months we have been managing this exacerbation.
The medication has obviously had an effect of energizing my son but not in any good way at the moment. By 4pm each day the basketball is starting to finish. The stories start coming in to fill the void. He should have been on Fin since 19 and he wouldnt have lost hair. His testosterone levels must be through the roof. He has so much DHT he can feel body hair grow. He should never have touched Dute. He is sterile now. He needs his wife back. He needs the transplant doctor. He hears an ad for Rogaine and tells me it is rubbish. He rattles off his extensive study of the topic. Then it is back to Dute and the idea that Fin is now useless as it is too weak after being on Dute. Then he asks, "Should I go back on Dute to save my hair?"
By 6pm he is usually looking for the sedatives.
The mornings aren't good either. The calling out today was unbearable. I decided to make a finger splint from a skinny sponge and wrap it around his finger, tied with a hair elastic. I thought the touching might have been triggering the thought attacks which have been likened to Tourettes in the way he responds to them. This morning he was so anxious that he was delirious. Sink holes were mentioned???? He told me he felt like he wanted to throw knives at the wall. So it wasn't so surprising that moments later an almost empty berry smoothie smashed into the bedroom door. He tells me he will replace the door.. Maybe after the front door he did over at Christmas???
But he will still tell you this is all over hair and if it was just like what it was 18 months ago he would be fine. Why don't I understand this??
We have another appointment with the doc this afternoon. It has only been 5 days since starting Lyrica and upping Prozac to 30mg. He is trying to do what has been asked even though he feels so bad on the meds at the moment.
Living in chaos is exhausting. He still doesn't realise it is what he is telling himself and not what his hair is doing. All people have to live with a body that lets them down somewhere. We cant live obsessing about what we don't like. Negatives are so powerful. They make us feel hopeless and helpless to overcome them.
Hope for better times ahead as tough times don't last forever. Marg

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