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Author:  margharris [ Tue May 05, 2015 12:07 am ]
Blog Subject:  Body dysmorphia: Life lesson

You do wonder what life lesson is in the learning when you suffer from such a disorder? Such a long suffering seems to be completely at odds with the type of people who have BDD. They are generally kind hearted, sensitively wired and generally better looking than most. Feeling less than for not being perfect when no one is perfect is so tragic and unfathomable. But I am trying to apply logic to something that is not.
How you feel about yourself is very real when the thoughts and feelings are coming from your own brain. The thoughts are so distressing. It is easy as a carer to try and apply logic but there is no point to the attempt. It is like trying to argue with your own imagination. There is no intersection between what is real and logical and what is imagination. The content of the thought attacks are just a transient manifestation of the disorder. Tomorrow another thought may take its place. Even if it doesn't, the whole dialogue from yesterday will all have been forgotten. My son will often tell me he has no memory for what was decided yesterday. When in your BDD thinking there seems to be no way of storing and diffusing thoughts to memory. The brain is working at too primitive a level.
My son has had suicidal thoughts this morning. He is not so distressed though so he complains that he just hates his hair. I try not to buy in. Let him self talk. This maybe a grab for my attention. The aloneness of BDD is crippling for someone who likes being with people. The laptop and an NBA game again to the rescue. I busy myself with the morning chores.
He got his blood test done yesterday. He believes in having high testosterone. The doc has ordered the tests to show him how to navigate and find what is real and actually question what your own mind makes up. The problem is I expect that no matter what the result is he will still not be able to diffuse the thought. It is hardwired and not logical so cant be reached by reason. It is just an example of a brain malfunction.
We are going to be getting an outreach worker. He badly needs a routine of doing stuff that matters. Getting traction to move out of inertia and into life is a serious issue. I don't know how to tackle it.
Hope we all have a happier day and move towards wellness. Marg

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