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margharris
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Body dysmorphia: Horrible day and night

Permanent Linkby margharris on Wed Apr 29, 2015 1:21 am

Things again took a turn for the worst. He was into all his magical thinking. He knows the answer. It is the receptors. He screams in panic as the stories flood in. He craves his Propecia tablet as though that is a saviour. But it is what traps him into thinking he is control of hair. When will he ever realise he isn't and it doesn't matter. He is blind to what is important in life. His mind has been hijacked into a world see sawing between a need for absolute control and a life of chaos. The foundations of a life were there but what he is building is a delusional bubble. I am the one enabling this to continue growing even bigger. But what would happen if I stopped being there for him.

The meds are causing more anxiety at this stage. I have upped the Lyrica to three a day as his breakthrough anxiety was obviously related to the dose of Lyrica being so short acting. We can take up to 300mg but don't want to be doing that until we have raised the Prozac. Prozac is at 30mg so this is still considered sub-therapeutic for OCD/BDD. Just can't raise this as my son is just too unwell to tolerate it. I can't tolerate him is probably more the point.

It is almost midday and he hasn't gotten up. He actually mentioned being fearful of the kitchen. I will give this a couple more days and consider requesting a hospitalising.

On a positive note. He is not touching much. Most likely too sick to care anymore.

I hid the knives as unfortunately that is the stage we are at. Mercifully we don't live in a gun culture.

If anyone ever thinks BDD is about being ugly physically, then they haven't read enough of our story to understand the brain's perception faults. You can't fix this level of brain impairment with a simple aesthetic fix through a transplant or hair meds or toppik. My son's internal biology is faulty in a fairly big way. He lives in a magical world of his thoughts. But the fantasy is not of the milk and honey variety, more the black, bitter and ominously cruel.... Where dread lives and hides from the light of truth.

Only time will tell if we can get anywhere to fixing it. That is the fix we are after. That is the fix all of you with BDD need. Hope we find it. Marg

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