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margharris
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Awakening through BDD
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Body dysmorphia: 3 month update

Permanent Linkby margharris on Fri Jun 12, 2015 12:14 am

Well, the meds have worked to contain the worst of his BDD. The high dose Prozac with Lyrica to dampen side effects has turned things around.
He was functioning for almost a week until this last weekend when he had a stumble. He just did too much trying to pretend that all was well.
He opted for his usual coping strategies alcohol and BDD rituals. This has set him back all week. But I suppose we know that he is still very much unwell and there is no cover up of that.
The bed rescue is in full swing. Not much movement from the room all yesterday. He had reduced the dose of Prozac back to 50mg as he thought the anxiety he felt was partially due to the med high dose.
Well he got his first panic attack again this morning and has opted for more meds again. Back we go to 60mg. He is in there now, using line app to talk to the new girlfriend. He knows he is so needy for affirmation and love from someone but we all know this is far too soon. He knows but tries to justify what he is doing. He tells me she is so literate and he is using his brain concentrating on the texts.
I see it as a distraction again from dealing with the chores of life. It has to be fun for him to do something. Maybe there is some fundamental reward system not working in BDD so you focus on the reward from looking good. Your external appearance is something you see as tangible. Doing work well requires your inner world to be integrated and in service to your higher long term goals. There is no instant gratification that a sudden text from a love interest can excite when you sort out the rubbish for recycling.
We have another round in the MRI machine today. Keen that he can't live in bed today. The MRI gives functional pictures as there is a screen inside that displays images that he has to respond to during the scan. This next session has been labeled cognitive testing. Hope he comes out more balanced than last time.
This morning I spoke to him about this latest setback. Why he used alcohol and cut? He doesn't even seem to know. Just that he felt so much anxiety that he thought alcohol would allow him to escape it. Once drunk his inhibitions were reduced so he attacked his hair. He explained that he just doesn't like it. So no prior agreement can stand up to an alcoholic binge haze. There is remorse but definitely not enough for me to feel we aligned in this recovery together. He is still too unwell to see how much he is contributing to it.
The texting continues. I think there is something quite addictive about it.
So from our experience, Katherine Phillip's advice has been supported. Her studies can be found on Pubmed. I credit all the recent changes to the meds. He is too unwell for anything else. I have reasoned with him for almost years and it made very little difference.
Hope you gain something form this journey. Marg

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