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margharris
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Body dysmorphia. The teenager and self destructive urges

Permanent Linkby margharris on Fri Mar 06, 2015 9:54 pm

I first heard about taming the outer child through the work of Susan Anderson. She was the person who connected our self defeating patterns to an entity that exists in each of us. I like to refer to this as my teenager within. My teenager can take control of me at any time in the most self destructive of ways. The teenager acts out with all that emotion left unexpressed, in the care of the inner child. The teenager wants a quick fix without doing the work. The teenager is the outer expression of all the emotion you have trapped inside. The teenager is irresponsible, loves impulsive acts, loves excess, loves drama. loves blaming others, loves procrastinating. The teenager has a story to explain away every poor decision. And you can't confront the teenager as the power play that ensues will tear up the house. It is like living with the Kraken.

How does this teenager impact the very sensitive OCD/BDDer, who just wants to get it right and do the right thing. The BDDer has felt blamed and inadequate for a long time. There is a lot of trapped emotion to release. Anxiety is felt urgently and there are plenty of urges to fulfil. Feeling broken inside while being so exposed to the whole world. How can one live in such a torn state. Fears are felt intensely, stories become the narrative you hear describing the terror and no assurance can be given. The imagination takes over and the urges become all consuming. The anxiety is so intense the urges take over. The teenager is out of control.

You might have the fear. You might have that story that you have some defect or have done the wrong thing. You might call yourself inadequate and ugly. In doing so, you abandon your true self. The teenager has no sense of direction. There is no motivation to lead a better life when teenager runs the show. Teenager just wants it now and screams when denied. The teenager is just after that quick fix.

So this is the dynamic that needs addressing. The fears, the stories to explain the feelings, the reassurance that never sticks and the horrible urges. The urges were first used to manage the anxiety but soon took over as the main problem. So lets tackle our OCDs/BDDs by managing our urges.

So lets start with...Urge reduction and urge restriction. If you stop doing the actions the urges demand, you stop some of the triggering. You might not be able to stop the fear or the story because they enter the brain with alarm but you can stop acting on them. So lets try stopping all the stuff you do that is supposed to help but really never did. Lets tame that teenager and find our own adult prepared to look after our inner child. In so doing, I believe the fear will subside. We will be capable of living an adult, problem solving, purpose filled life. Marg

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