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margharris
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Body dysmorphia. The child's story.

Permanent Linkby margharris on Thu Mar 05, 2015 4:14 am

The inner child's story is the story of our history. It contains all that we have felt. The shame, blame and guilt of not fully measuring up is all stored away. Now life is a long journey and we were never made to accomplish it all perfectly without fault. A mistake was only a step in our learning. If we never made a mistake and corrected it we would only be repeating what we already knew. But some of us feel that worry of not getting it right much more intensely than others. The feeling of failing fills them with dread. It becomes a safer feeling to avoid doing anything that might contain the risk of failing to be right. That can easily be translated into an intolerance of anything less than perfect.
When perfection is achieved there is no risk of blame, shame, or guilt. In this insidious way some of us have calibrated our internal wiring to take the negative perspective, trying to eliminate faults rather than see all that we are that is worthy of praise. Without that positive balance our perspective can become seriously skewed. We start blaming ourselves for all sorts of things beyond our control. We start to find fault with the smallest of concerns, completely blowing them out of all proportion.
So as you feel more disappointment in yourself for all these shortcomings, you move further away from that core belief in your own love and value. You abandon the emotional needs of your own inner child. That need is for your love and acceptance unconditionally, just the way you are. Your faults, your mistakes are only human and can be easily forgiven. You were never meant to be perfect.

Likewise the people in your life who have let you down and have made you feel inadequate need your understanding and forgiveness. This forgiveness is not for them but for yourself. When they hurt you, you picked up their opinion and carried the hurt with you. Your inner child feels all that hurt as you have bundled up all these feelings inside you.

So all of us have some level of self abandonment. It is part of all our history we carry with us. We took the blame for our parent's argument. We took the blame for the break up. We got fired from the job. We couldn't find a partner or our partner failed to love us as we deserved. We have felt unworthy of love because we weren't good enough.
So how do we process all this past baggage we carry with us into the here and now. We carry our feelings in the stories we make up to explain how we feel. Marg

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