Our partner

justonemoreperson
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 11386
Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2012 8:02 am
Blog: View Blog (1)
Archives
- April 2012
My Normal Life
   Mon Apr 02, 2012 11:57 am

Search Blogs

1 out of 52 out of 53 out of 54 out of 55 out of 5

My Normal Life

Permanent Linkby justonemoreperson on Mon Apr 02, 2012 11:57 am

The first thing I came to realise, when I was old enough to understand, was that I was not "sick" and that AsPD is not an illness. Having spent a considerable amount of time being bounced from one doctor to another, and from one theory to another, it became quite frustrating to find out that not only was it all unnecessary but also quite unpleasant.
"We might get some results with this" used to leave me feeling concerned, wondering whether it would lead to a dry mouth, itching, hearing sounds that weren't there, nausea, sleeplessness, tiredness, etc this time. I wasn't successfully diagnosed until much later.
Today it reminds me of a joke I once heard about a boy who said he could make his hamster deaf by pulling off its legs. He knew it was deaf as when he yelled at it, it didn't run away scared. The same "results" came from the countless medications and therapies that were applied. Simply not being able to behave a certain way did not mean that I didn't think that way.
Years later it dawned on me that there is nothing wrong with me. I'm not sick, I'm different to most.
When people find out they usually go to google to "find out what I'm like" which is a bit like me going to google and searching for "normal person" and then asking you why you don't like fishing.
For those who do not understand the mind of a psychopath, here are a few things that might help.
Firstly, assume they're a completely different species of being, not just humans with a problem. That way you'll see that within that species there are many different personality types and many different levels of intelligence, likes and dislikes etc.
Secondly, Hannibal Lecteur was a made up character in a book played by, amongst others, Anthony Hopkins.
Thirdly, if you think that we don't behave well in society, I have to tell you that I read the news and you lot are pretty messed up too. Just because you may not have a label doesn't mean you're any better at dealing with the world than me. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that I'm probably better at running this planet than you, as I'm not hindered by irrational emotions and nonsensical beliefs in fairies, santa claus and god.
I'm married (the second time around) and I have two kids. My first wife blames me for the way she is today, but interestingly this happened after she knew what my label was. Before this she was just screwed up, but it was much easier to give up responsibility for herself and blame me once I had, in her mind, a label. My second wife knows about my condition and is supportive (although she gets frustrated at times). I made sure she knew this as soon as possible to avoid the same nonsense happening twice.
I have three friends who know of my condition, and they ask many questions. The most common question is "How do we know you have genuine feelings for us?" and of course the answer is "You don't. I want you around as I enjoy your company and so it makes sense for me to want you to stay fit and healthy." It's not rocket science.
Could I kill someone? Yes, of course but again, take a look at the news and you'll see it's not an activity reserved for those with AsPD. The difference is that I wouldn't really care afterwards, whereas you'd probably feel like crap for some time.
I have no interest in telling the rest of my family and friends. My mother knew and it constantly bothered her, but she died recently and so that problem went away. Most of my family realise that something is different, but nothing specific.
My life is quite frustrating, and being in groups of people can be exhausting as I constantly have to think about my behaviour and actions. Mostly it's my choice of phrasing. A recent example: We met some friends for a drink one evening as planned, but were late. I turned up and said "Sorry we're late, my mother died this afternoon and it took ages to get stuff sorted at the hospital." Fortunately, my wife was with me to pick up the pieces of the conversation. She said to me afterwards "It's ok, people assume that everyone deals differently with this stuff and they're expecting you to fall apart when it's all over. So, once the funeral's over, just stay home for a while so that they don't see you."
I'll keep this upadated if anything else occurs to me.
Remember: if you see a psychopath, give him a hug! It's much easier to reach your wallet that way.

I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
36 Comments Viewed 618845 times
Comments
Next

Re: My Normal Life

Permanent Linkby justonemoreperson on Sun Apr 08, 2012 8:20 am

Interestingly, I was discussing this forum with my wife and she expressed a concern that if I focus on the subject of my condition more would I lose control and allow my tendancies to become stronger? There are aspects of my life that she'd rather not think about, and doesn't want to see some character traits, even though she knows they exist.
I don't think that discussing my condition makes it any more or less real in any way. It's a constant inner-monologue to me, and what I'm doing is sharing those thoughts with her.
She's reminded me that what I find normal often takes her a while to process, but she's doing reasonably well, it seems.
I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
justonemoreperson
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 11386
Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2012 8:02 am
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: My Normal Life

Permanent Linkby justonemoreperson on Fri Apr 13, 2012 9:59 pm

Not having an emotional tag to events is frustrating sometimes. When I discuss certain issues, primarily with my wife, and we have an argument she'll say "How do you not remember us talking about this before?"
The difference is that to her she'll remember the argument, not just from the subject and the points made, but also the emotion attached to it.
I don't have the emotional tags, and so it's harder for me to remember things like that when they come back up.
I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
justonemoreperson
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 11386
Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2012 8:02 am
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: My Normal Life

Permanent Linkby justonemoreperson on Tue Apr 17, 2012 5:37 pm

Push the button
Draw the blade
Walk the streets
Welcome the shade.

Feel the burn
Hold it down
Supress the itch,
The grinning clown.

Watch the world
Bide your time
Be a good boy
Just tow the line.

Tell a joke
Phone a friend
Back in its box now
But that will end.
I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
justonemoreperson
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 11386
Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2012 8:02 am
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: My Normal Life

Permanent Linkby justonemoreperson on Thu Apr 19, 2012 1:22 pm

Something I found odd today, and not for the first time, is sometimes I seem to see the way people are feeling more clearly than those without my so-called limitations. I found that I could spot a person who was upset from a comment they made while her friends obviously didn't see the signs and carried on making jokes etc until it finally became apparent that this was serious. I think this is because people are often caught up in their own selves so much that they miss things.
I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
justonemoreperson
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 11386
Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2012 8:02 am
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: My Normal Life

Permanent Linkby justonemoreperson on Sun Apr 22, 2012 7:21 am

Going through "the burn" at the moment. Good feeling, but difficult when the best thing to do is keep it in check. I found myself in a supermarket yesterday and some guy made a comment that I found rude. I spent the next twenty minutes following him, blocking his path, staring at him to put him on edge but he didn't react directly to me. Instead he started getting annoyed with his family and ended up handling his young daughter too hard so that he hurt her and yelled at her. She cried and his wife / girlfriend started to criticise him.
This was a fairly satisfying distraction for me.
Will go hunting today, this usually helps.
I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
justonemoreperson
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 11386
Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2012 8:02 am
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: My Normal Life

Permanent Linkby Twinkling Butterfly on Mon Apr 23, 2012 9:02 pm

I'm not sure I follow (re: the comment on Apr. 22). Are you saying that because this guy said something you thought was rude, you were satisfied that he hurt his daughter? :?
DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional.
✨ƸïƷ✨
Twinkling Butterfly
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 4706
Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 3:01 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My Normal Life

Permanent Linkby justonemoreperson on Mon Apr 23, 2012 9:50 pm

I didn't hurt his daughter, he did. I felt that he deserved to learn a lesson and that seemed to do the job. The fact that he hurt his daughter is incidental. What I was satisfied with is that he humiliated himself and caused issues that would have lasted him the rest of the day, maybe longer.
I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
justonemoreperson
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 11386
Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2012 8:02 am
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: My Normal Life

Permanent Linkby Twinkling Butterfly on Thu Apr 26, 2012 2:03 am

I wasn't saying *you* hurt his daughter; I was just uncertain what was satisfying about the whole thing.

Twenty minutes, though—that's persistent. :shock: What did the man say that was so infuriating? You can PM me if you don't want to post it publicly.
DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional.
✨ƸïƷ✨
Twinkling Butterfly
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 4706
Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 3:01 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My Normal Life

Permanent Linkby justonemoreperson on Thu Apr 26, 2012 8:51 am

His comment was "If you don't just barge through and wait for other people then you wouldn't appear so rude"
When I turned to face him he refused to make eye contact and moved away.
I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
justonemoreperson
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 11386
Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2012 8:02 am
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: My Normal Life

Permanent Linkby justonemoreperson on Thu Apr 26, 2012 12:54 pm

Twenty minutes isn't that persistent for entertainment. Movies last much longer.
I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
justonemoreperson
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 11386
Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2012 8:02 am
Blog: View Blog (1)

Who is online

Registered users: AlinochkaThunc, Allcoulors, AndrewDuh, Artninja1995, Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, jackotony, PleaseHelpMee999, rimastrist