This process is very picky. There's a part of the machine that contains copper coils that transmit the magnetic stimulation to the nerves in my brain. That part has to be perfectly placed on my head in order for the treatment to work properly. Several times throughout the 38-minute process, the nurse has to readjust it so that the coils are on my head. More often than not, I don't even realize that I've moved and she's over to my left adjusting the machine. In the beginning I would listen to music on my phone to pass the time, but I was too much of a fidgeter. There's a TV with a DVD player in there specifically for the purpose of entertaining patients, so today I brought in season two of Boardwalk Empire. We're both really enjoying it and the nurse said that I fidgeted ten times less than when I listened to music.
In terms of results, I think I'm finally starting to feel something. Basically, I'm starting to give a sh*t more. In the beginning, I just wore yoga pants to the treatments and didn't do a whole lot with my makeup and my hair. I (usually) showered, I just didn't do a whole lot with myself because I was depressed as hell. The last two days I actually had the energy and the attitude to put on some cute earrings and wear my hair down. I'm starting to care about how I look again! Likewise, I'm starting to talk to people again. I knew that the treatment could potentially send me into mania, and that's actually fine with me. I don't know if my talkativeness is a sign of mania or a sign of me betting better, but I'll take it either way.
Fun fact: I'm in grad school for forensic psychology. The psychiatrist in charge of my TMS is actually a forensic psychiatrist. He had the privilege of forensically evaluating Jeffrey Dahmer before he went to trial. I see the doctor tomorrow for a check-in, and I have every intention of picking his brain about the experience. Absolutely fascinating.
