| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/index/index_b-8384_sid-a1026d5830ea183f6236ff4c1bf3eb00.html |
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| Author: | HowardCL [ Wed May 13, 2015 11:25 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Accepting Myself For Who and What I am! |
Over the years I have started to accept myself more and more for who I am based on a small part being the fact that I am a Pedophile. I mean for years I hated myself for the things that I did to children and I wanted to end it all but then I realized that wouldn't accomplish anything and that the real challenge was to live my life until I die naturally. Sure many people on this planet wouldn't care if I ended my life because of two facts...One I am a pedophile and the second being that I am a Child Sex Offender and I was weak and gave into my temptations with children and I couldn't control myself, I gave into those sick evil desires that no adult should ever give into. When I got out of prison I realized that I will and always will have sexual desires for children and just because I served time for molesting children doesn't mean that my feelings for children will just go away and I knew that life for me would just be as hard for someone that say is addicted to anything in this world like drugs or alcohol who don't end up acting very well when they are around them. Except for what I was and am is far worse than those two things. I see children and I see a potential partner for sex acts and relationship. I knew that there is no way in hell that I could get back into the patterns that I was in before I went to prison so I avoided all the things that I was heavily into before and not just because it was court ordered for me to stay away from those things, I also stayed away from those things because I knew it wasn't healthy for me if I got back into those patterns. Sometimes I do slip and I will go to a beach where children frequent and its hard to not look and sometimes I have to force myself to leave because I get really aroused by what I see. Othertimes I will go to the bathroom and masturbate and go back and the desires and feelings are not as strong. It may sound bad to do that but its far better doing that than getting weak and doing something with a child that I regret for the rest of my life and plus I do not want to hurt anymore children in my lifetime. I have stayed away from CP completely and do not even view it nor do I look for pictures of nude children online aymore. All my fantasies and desires are for just children so I have to make up thoughts in my head or elsewhere to achieve ejaculation in my life. Every day is a challenge but its worth it to stay away from getting into trouble. |
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