| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/index/index_b-7699.html |
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| Author: | rehtnap [ Tue Nov 25, 2014 7:21 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | ok i lied |
well im still here. had a real bad downer,a lot to do with coming to terms with my gender dysphoria and life in general. ive been seeing the pdoc and a psychologist which is helping a lot. ive also just about stopped the sertraline i was on and started lamotrigene. as the dose of sertraline has gone down i have felt a lot better. i have got back a bit of confidence i hope it stays. last week i went back to the gay sauna i used to go to to see how i felt. i really enjoyed the steam room and the sauna but as far as any sex or drugs there was none..when i walked round the place i just didnt feel like i belonged,it wasnt right. i gave it half an hour and when i realized i fancied a man but as a woman i packed up and went home. it felt good,so good i was feeling me and not a false front to hide from life. whether i go the full distance with the gender change, which right now i would love or if it cant go that far i find a compromise i now feel more like its real life and i have some control. i could of course be going hyper again but only time will tell. as i get older i get tired of the not knowing. im really hoping that the lamotrigene will stabilize me enough to continue with my path.i do get scared when my mood goes wacky and i get suicidal thoughts,most of the time its more blowing off steam but once or twice its been serious resulting in been but on suicide intervention.its too easy a way out but thats why its scary because its so easy.i know im still not right,i do odd things and sometimes trip out of reality but as the pdoc said they cant cure it just help to control it. my biggest fear is it goes worse in time. i understand i have a mental health problem or two and im trying to keep life slow to watch myself. some days it gets to me,the hiv,the moods,the tiredness and trying to correct my life but there is nothing i can do about that, |
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