| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
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| Author: | plsdontjudgeme [ Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:13 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | I don't know what to do anymore. |
So for my first post, Im just going to do this as a journal I guess. I don't know. So basically, Im a teen. Please don't even ATTEMPT to judge me because I've been through so much already and I am going to lose it. I feel so sad, hopeless, and SO angry all the time and I don't get why certain things happen to me. I mean, I was never a bad person. I don't know why I deserve all this at such a young age and I'm so depressed and It's so UNFAIR. I hate me, I hate everyone, I hate the world. I hate everything. I never wanted to feel this way. I never EVER did. And now I do, and everything freaking sucks. My family thinks I'm emo and my friends think I'm outgoing and happy and I'm going to lose it. I can't be who I really am because I'm so afraid of being judged and I hate it so much. I spend most of the time in the bathroom breaking down to the point where I have to cover my mouth to make myself quiet. I'm a TEEN. I never wanted to be like this AT ALL. I wanted to worry about my looks, my studies, and pop stars such as One Direction or Justin Bieber or something but NO. Life will not permit it and IT'S UNFAIR. I want to be normal and so many bad experiences happened to me at such a young age and I'm trying my best to BE happy but I can't and I don't know why. Instead of being HAPPY I'm depressed, hopeless, angry and I HATE IT SO MUCH. I don't know what to do. I don't see any future of mine. I want to die but I don't and I really don't know what to do anymore and I'm sick of it! I want to have dreams and I want to have crushes but I don't and as I said so many times, IT'S SO FREAKING UNFAIR. I'm too young and all these experiences and troubles in family, friends, school, and life is just piling and piling. I thought that maybe, this was a phase or something but I've always been this way ever since I was young and I've only realized it this year. I've always been quiet and emo. Even in school, but I changed myself because there were people who teased me so, in a snap, after one summer, wow, I was happy on the outside. People used to say that I was really quiet and I always looked like I was mad and I just realized that I was just really sad. And now that developed into depression. I know you think I'm lying since I'm too young but we're all different here and we go through different things and I just had to go through many things at a young age. I'm really tired. I really am. I tried everything. I even self harm. I have scars from razors and my parents think it's something I got from my dad called Keloid wherein you just get tiny scratches and they turn to look like scars and I agreed so they won't be suspicious. But after awhile, they did of course, so I started to cut elsewhere other than my wrist. Anyways, other than that rather disturbing paragraph, I just want help. I don't want to be some depressed teenager with anxiety. I hate always being jumpy, nervous and I want to be NORMAL. So. If anyone reads this. Please help me before this gets worse. I'm really tired of feeling this way and I don't think I can hold my sadness and anger in any longer. I just want to scream at the world that I'm upset and lost and to help me but I can't. I have no one to talk to. No one I trust. But I know there are people out there who will understand and that's why I am here now. I don't like thinking of suicide or anything. I really don't. And I want it to stop. So if anyone can PLEASE help me, just... HELP ME. Please, I'm begging you. I'm so desperate and I just really need someone to be there for me right now. |
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