| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/index/index_b-4984_sid-7e512e00ae022154a7d438c52e87d239.html |
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| Author: | bluedragon1200 [ Sat Jul 27, 2013 6:22 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Hope |
A happy post! I started wellbutrin, 150 mg. I LOVE it. I shake a little, but it's not something that interferes. I wake up in the middle of the night or have trouble falling asleep, but I can stay awake all day. I no longer have debilitating fatigue. I was so terrified of student teaching, how could I do that while I needed a nap before school was out? I think I'll be ok. Band camp started, and I love it. I love not marching, not learning a new show every two weeks, not having a dictator for a director. There's a boy with autism that's been working on a timpani part. It takes me a long time to learn and he learns by watching and imitating rather than reading. He thinks I'm hilarious. The kids work hard, they want to be there. I really don't expect people to like me, the way my mom treated me, the way classmates treated me. Kindness is a gift, not a given. They respect the teacher, so if she says to respect me, they do. I want to be a teacher. In my darkest days, a few teachers knew that I was more than annoying, something was wrong. Bless their hearts, they didn't know what to do to really help, but they gave me hope. Give me the abused, the hungry, the lost, the outcast. I want to give them a safe place to be, where the outside world is gone for a while. Then give them music, a way to speak any emotion with no words, no fear of being rejected. Produce art with the deepest anger, the broken heart, the pure joy. At the end of the day they've achieved something, have pride in themselves. I know some will quit in high school, some in college, some, very few will never stop being a musician. Pride and hope never leave. I want to be the force that keeps someone holding on or the guide that gets them help. I want to be what teachers were for me, and what do what they didn't know how. The other music teacher in the district put in a resignation, but it's pretty late to find a replacement...unless there was a student teacher graduating in December....hmmm. There is a possibility, but I'm not putting to much into it right now, since a lot can happen in a few months. It'd be really nice to not make minimum wage and as a bonus not have to work black friday and tax free weekend. Football games and marching competitions are so much more fun. |
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