| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
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| Author: | youneverknow [ Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:45 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Start of Week 4 |
Time really is medicine. I haven't thought about gambling (other than the blog, which I promised myself I'd write in regularly to channel any bad feelings or just ANY feelings really) for a couple of days. The last thought was a bad urge. But bad is relative. It didn't compare to the beginning only 3 short weeks ago. It just gets less and less. Less strong. Less often. I honestly believe that removing myself from the games site, Pogo, which I used to go to, to avoid gambling made a HUGE difference. I originally thought it was a good idea to go there and play rather than gamble, but I simply played slots, Keno, and other Casino-like games and those gambling receptors in my brain that kept me in my addiction just continued to pop. Eventually I would find myself back on a pay site repeating the old pattern. A great idea that was a failure. An even greater idea was getting rid of placebos and seeing what happened. Really glad I did. Cold turkey works. It's not fun, but it works. I would love to apply this knowledge to quitting smoking, but I'm not putting anything more on my plate until i feel a whole lot stronger. Give me time, though, and I'll be using this experience to make all kinds of changes in my life. I believe I've succeeded in breaking my addiction. THAT'S stage one. Now I have to maintain gambling's version of sobriety. It's simple, really. That's why it's so dangerous. All I have to do now is not gamble. I'm not stressed or fighting an overwhelming urge anymore and so I'm feeling cocky. It almost seems too easy, like maybe I wasn't addicted after all. THERE'S the danger. When I least expect it, I'm going to have THIS thought, I just know it: 'I've got it licked, I'm just going to gamble for fun, for a little bit. Prove that it no longer owns me.' I HAVE to promise myself to always remember it WASN'T easy. I DON'T have it 'licked' and I can NEVER gamble again. Now that life's a little easier I have a new challenge. Never forgetting. Never thinking of myself as a 'non-gambler' but as a recovering gambling addict. Because that's what I am and always will be. When it's not a part of your every day life ('it' being the overwhelming need) you can get cocky. You can get lazy. You can get distracted. You can become an easy mark for 'The Voice'. I think I'm going to add a new chant to my list: 'Never again.' I'm so early in my recovery and feeling so good and peaceful that I know I'm going to start enjoying life and not concentrate on the whole gambling experience. I think that's okay, as long as I make a conscious decision to throw in a 'Never again' at least once every day. Forming and speaking those thoughts really works for me. And what really works for me MUST be taken advantage of. I truly did not think that the agony of it all would be over so fast. I know, I know. There'll be more urges down the road, but anyone who's a gambling addict knows precisely what I mean by 'the agony' and it's gone. In 3 weeks. Gone. WOW! The consequences are still there, but without the agony, they're eventually going to disappear. Way I see it, no matter what happens I'm going to be here 3 years from now. I can choose NOW what I'll be THEN. Do I want to be a stressed out, debt ridden gambler or do I want to be debt and addiction/stress free? I'm so lucky to have this blog. When I get too cocky (and I will), I just have to go to Day 1 and re-read to remember vividly where I was and how pervasive gambling addiction can be. And so I transition on the first day of my 4th week. I go from being determined, to being determined AND vigilant. Now that the 'determined' is easier, the 'vigilant' is essential. I think... I KNOW I can do this. I'm so grateful to have made it this far and I can't wait to see how successful life can be now that I've chosen to get back behind the wheel of my life to do some steering. |
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