I'm a gambling addict. And a voice lives in my head that constantly tries to catch me unaware and then calmly and reasonably urge me to 'just gamble a little'.
It's so believable and so reasonable. And so wrong.
I've decided to sincerely acknowledge that it is my enemy. I also have decided to remember, EACH AND EVERY TIME, that I have MY voice too. And now when it talks I talk back. 'Just play $200.00, if you lose, you stop,' now gets countered with 'When have I ever stopped? I can't stop. I can, however, not start, so that's what I choose to do'.
So far it's working. I'm 12 days clean. I've not been 12 days clean for maybe 5 years, so forgive me if I'm a little braggy about it.
Talking back is working. Pre-paying bills is working. Reminding myself that 'Today, I will not gamble' is working. I'm doing something new this time. I'm being my own friend and looking out for me. That's working too.At this point, I know I can fall easily, so I'm careful. But I'm also hopeful. I'm making a project out of looking for anything helpful and treating anything hurtful as 'the enemy'.
One day at a time, right?
These blog posts are just for me. Thinking in fonts. Sorry if they're boring, but they're a Godsend to me.