"Emotional" sobrierty--it's something I realize that which is one way to call "relaxing" by.
It shows (maybe) in the last mid-term test I did this afternoon.
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It was an intermediate word app class test and tbh I hadn't studied for it the way i would've liked to. My reception and preparation of this week has not been a very good one.
While I practiced an exercise on multi-lining I feel that I "regressed" when I listened to the Chris Nolan Batman trilogy theme before writing the test. I felt like listening to music (i)but "shouldn't",I've been trying to get out of the habit of listening to hying music before a test or class and (ii) I feel like it was "regressive" particularly b/c of how around the turn of last year, I told myself I would like to give up "power fantasy" stuff and as a versatile as story-telling tries to be, superhero stuff usually is like that.
I go to the testing area where I fumble for like ~6 minutes (?
) looking for the file needed for the test even though, which I didn't find sooner on the shared (server?) b/c I thought my teacher's last name was something different.I finally get to doing it and while it's not difficult, I take a bit long,fiddling with things since I'm not too well practiced--I don't really feel like I'd like to talk about whether I had a time extension or not
--anyhow what makes me personally p.o.'d w/myself is how an easy 1/3 of the test wasn't done since I ran out of time.">~< Arg..~20 more minutes a bit of text formatting and typing and I wouldn't been fine !
.I "eat emotionally" after having gotten indescive w/whether I'd go straight to the gym after, (I didn't, I ate at an area near it) before deciding to bus home to do something my brother asked,which later on he gave a reason for it not having to be done.
*Then* I bused back up and went to the school gym for a while.
You know before I went to the testing area instead of water,the bottle I had with me was filled up with cranberry juice and I thought to myself "
Huh. Bright red,sweet cranberry juice before this special occasion. Maybe I'll do better this time", but actually I think water would've been better. Had it been water I would've been occasionely drinking cold sips to quench me before continuing w/the test. This time, I was eager early one to drink a fair portion of it,sweetness rushing through me and I drank it more in fewer instances as time ran out.This and a few things I've read today make me think--
I have *got to* work on my emotional sobriety. I can be expressive and emotionally visceral which is a good thing, but I do it so often I actually have trouble getting other things to motorize me. I don't drink but if emotions were alcoholic beverages I'd be drinking from while talking, there would be times when it's like I sip wine to perk me up while talking to someone and other times when I'm p.o.'d and basically sloshed,obsessively ranty on some high-end liquer not many ppl are fond of before wiping out.
Dang,it's handy to think of relaxation among these terms.Relaxing,being relaxed, having "inner peace", consistent calmness, having not a passivity or indifference but a serenity in my attitude; that's *relaxing*,that's emotional sobriety which I'm not too good at.
Maybe hence,why at times particularly in the past, the psuedo-Stoicism and capping of my emotions I try to sustain before erupting like a volcano in a way seemingly spontaneous and uncalled for. It's like always looking like a silent,unnerving tough guy who guzzles an enitre hard-liquor bottle in a few seconds before acting aggresively towards someone he's been wanting to get too.
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A more positive example?. How behind my eyes when I saw .P.R. (the girl I liked from the first high school I went to) in line at the pizza place what I wanted to do was go like ":D AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!,xD IT'S REALLY YOU!,IT'S REALLY YOU!,IT'S REALLY YOU!,IT'S REALLY YOU! ;u; ",twirling her in a hug and giving her salutory kisses on the cheeks. ._. Yeah I know it would call attention and she would prob. not be cool with me doing that but d--- wanting to "burst out" like that after so many years is a craving.
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My other mid-terms: I went in to the HTML one confident having done exercises sent over the weekend-ish fine and minutes before the test but
arg,how I got messed over simple internet related definitions I completely forgot about being included >_< and not knowing a few tags like the how to use the div one, modifying font and font colors and adding links. The elearn content of it has oddly been taken down since around the time of the test.The digital transcription test I think might've gone well,having studied for it since I been worried about how I've been doing on the exercises-- ._. there's still the chance that what I was doing was 180 degrees "in the wrong direction" and I did terrible on it,not having to many instances were I've been doing well in the class lately.
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Overall I think I did better than "barely" pass but still mediocre in the off chance that I was gaining "solid full marks worth" per section I did not including the parts where I know something was missing or didn't finish like today.
Eportfolio. This break I'll do it.