Hi. My name is Cassandra, but I go by Sandra for short. I doubt anyone will read this, but if feels nice to write things out. I'm new to this site, just joined this morning, and already feel less lonely. While looking throughout the forums, it was nice to read about people going through similar situations I've gone through and feeling similar emotions. It was also nice to read about advice given by people who've dealt with or are dealing with similar situations and who I can identify with. Especially with the personality disorders forum, it was comforting to read about other people who have the same disorders I do and give each other advice and help.
Allow me to start things off bluntly. I'm 20 years old, struggling to live on my own, and have been living on my own since I was 17. After being removed from my dad's house by the state, I was put into counseling where I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Rapid Cycling Bipolar disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Depression, and anxiety problems. Already interested in psychology and taking classes in school, learning my diagnoses simply fueled further interest and research, which helped me a lot in re-learning how to cope with things such as mood swings and the voices that had become separate from me (which I later learned were called "multiples").
A bit about my past that fueled these disorders: My father was/is an abusive alcoholic. My mother died a sudden, painful death when I was 10 years old. I was often alone as a child after my mother died; my father would be gone for days at a time sometimes. I've been paying bills, taking care of a house, and raising myself since I was 11 (my dad was in deep depression). And at age 16, during the time period where I was attending counseling, I was raped by my best friend.
I realize I'm being pretty blunt and open, but on a site like this, I look at is as a counseling session. It's best to lay all your cards out on the table and let people see what you have. If you hide behind a poker face, you might miss connecting with people that you can identify with or that can even help you.
Anyway, I realize I'm rambling a bit. I tend to do that. So I'll end this post with the note of how refreshing it was to read about people being so open about a disorder such as Dissociate Identity Disorder. I've been misunderstood by people before when trying to explain it to them. I've been ridiculed and disbelieved, and it's disheartening, especially when sometimes they're people I was friends with. It was so nice to read posts about people with questions and worries, and read advice given to them by others with D.I.D, along with the signatures with all their multiples, including names and ages. It made me feel not so alone, to realize there's other people with D.I.D, and to see how open they're able to be on this site. Even if I end up to not be a huge participant in this site, I'm glad I joined.
And since I'm being so open and can't figure out how to do the signature thing at the bottom of a post yet, here's all of me:
~Cassandra, age 20, host.
~Kat, age 23, oldest multiple. Protector, defender. Slightly anti-social, blunt, untrusting, can be violent, sarcastic, stubborn, strong, self-reliant.
~Rain, age 22. Comforter, adviser. Supportive, determined, wise, thoughtful, strong, caring, selfless.
~L.C., age 16. Apathetic, depressive, shy, negative, uses self-harm to cope, sometimes suicidal.
~Cassie, age 8. Shy, playful, dislikes being alone, not very independent, is scared easily.
~Ray, age 10. Very shy, submissive, easily scared, very animalistic, dislikes loud noises, relies heavily on actions and noises to communicate. More dog-like than human, treated as the "pet" of the group. Appearance (to her)/how she sees herself: chin-length auburn hair, red/white dog ears, green eyes, human body, and red/white husky tail.
~"Hannibal", age unknown, real name unknown. Manipulative, cruel, self-destructive, violent, controlling, abusive, persuasive, apathetic to well-being of host and other multiples. Called "Hannibal" for his tendency to bite.
I know it seems like a pointless ramble, but thanks for reading if you did.
~Sandra
