I'm sick of it, but don't know what the hell to do about it, so it feels like all I can do is be sick of it!

I've said it before, but it bothers me so god damn much I'll reiterate. Living this way is ######6 crap. But nothing says I'm stuck, so why don't I do something about it? Well, the only thing that's really getting in my way, aside from overall apprehensiveness of my future, is the fact that I feel as though I simply cannot take the initiative. It's a ridiculous problem and I don't even understand it. As I say through clenched teeth and with reluctant agitation: I have to tell someone about this before I can do anything. It's embarrassing and only adds to the stress of the ordeal.

I feel as if I'm floating on a raft with no oar in the middle of the ocean, just waiting to be found by a ship or aircraft. Except in this case, there's nobody to rescue me, I just have to find a way to get around this mental barrier.

I feel as if I am completely to blame for my inaction, also, in dealing with my own issues. And yet I continue to not take initiative....