I'm kinda lonely, but I've been watching this anime called Kotaro Lives Alone on Netflix. It's an anime about a pre-schooler who lives by himself. The show is light-hearted in some ways but touches on childhood neglect and abuse. Sometimes it makes me sad but I like it.

I don't think I miss my parents but sometimes I wonder what it would be like if my parents were different. My new parents are very nice but I don't really understand what love is. Being a parent and being a child, they're both very strange...

Poopy (the hedgehog) is my baby so maybe I understand in some ways... Poopy doesn't really like me but I'm trying to get him to like me, and I have to like him no matter what, even when it's hard! I think my new parents are like that, because I'm difficult. But I'm trying to be better and I think it's working :]

Yay

I feel really healthy today, no drinks or drugs or older men ))
(Maybe chat with my online bf later for a little bit but I'll keep it clean!)

I got more fancy setup stuffs for Poopy (my hedgehog) like a heat lamp, bigger play space, and more comfy fleece n stuffs that I'm gona turn into bedding and a snuggle sack

If I practice guitar, draw a little, and maybe put my laundry away it would be really cool... but if not that's totally okay too

He didn’t text today!!!!!! I wanted to see him
I drank and threw up even tho I didn’t drink that much, cos I don’t want parents to notice missing alcohol. n I wanted to snuggy but yeah I guess he doesn’t like me THAT much. I’m so horny and addicted to old men, it feels so much better than doing it by myself

I know I need to stop but I feel so much better than 2wks ago when I had to go to the hospital. So I feel like it’s okay… like being bad is better than being suicidal… drinking does make me depressed after tho… hmm

I have 40 minutes until my AA meeting and I have so much bad stuff I want to do so I'm just gonna keep blogging for now.

Yesterday I had ciders (alcoholic apple ciders) with someone who is turning 50 this year, and then we did some bad things. And I know I'm going to do more bad things with him. I know at the end of the day he's a pedophile but he's really nice and I already did so many bad things before in my life, that this honestly healthy in comparison... I know that's an excuse, but it's also true!!

He texted me back at 2PM, but then I texted back a few times (around 6:30pm and just now at 8:30pm) but he hasn't gotten back to me yet which makes me sad :[

So I'm going to this AA meeting even though I think it's stupid and annoying because it's one healthy thing I can do at least... oh, also I'm eating fruits lol. I don't really like fruits that much but I feel like it's healthy for me so yeah...

I renamed him Poopy, because hedgehogs poop everywhere XD
But I call him Hedgie sometimes too

Hedgehogs are terrible pets (they are very anti-social in the wild, not even able to socialize with other hedgehogs. Not even their own family. They live alone forever. They are spiky, and hate everything and everyone. Not a good pet for most people... but good for me

But I adopted him because the person who had him had a dog who stressed the hedgehog out.

I am autistic so I don't like intense animals or cuddling too much (like dogs... I actually love dogs but I can't handle them 24/7 and need time away from them. I also don't like fur or drool everywhere.)

I'm a pretty good pet parent but I will admit that I'm very depressed right now so the idea of cleaning his cage kinda sucks (of course I still do it though!!)

The pet store was out of meal worms, which he likes, so I got crickets and horn worms. But Poopy will not eat these worms (yet) even though they were so expensive XD And I'm not 100% sure he's eating the crickets either, he's very secretive...

It's a little difficult sometimes because I have contamination OCD. So the fact that he could be carrying Salmonella is stressful, and I'm afraid of mites too (but I'm going to the vet to get him checked up so we will see if he does or not.) Right now I have completely separate bedding I put on my bed when I play with him, and wear different clothes from my usual clothes too (also helpful because he's... well, poopy XD)

I know he will never LOVE to come out and play, because that's just not a hedgehog's nature. But I hope one day he will at least feel calm enough to sleep on me or let me pet his belly He doesn't ball up so that's a good sign. He does huff and quill up though when he's startled but that's natural.

Lastly... I need him to get along enough to let me trim his nails
I hope the vet can help me with that for now...