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delicateinfj24
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Joined: Tue Feb 27, 2018 9:14 pm
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   Fri Mar 30, 2018 7:23 am

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Permanent Linkby delicateinfj24 on Fri Mar 30, 2018 7:23 am

Hi all... just wanted to say I’ve really been having a tough time the last couple weeks... my depression is in a viscous cycle.. I’ve been feeling very suicidal and I think mySO May leave me.. Ive been lying to my friends and family they think I still have a job.., but I’ve been out of work for a couple months now. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore feeling lower than low.. any words of encouragement would be nice.. I’m literally laying on the floor of my closet curled up in avall in the dark.. like a loser.. I got a job and had my first day of work I went for the first half of my shift and made an excuse up to bail on the second half .... how do I muster up the strength to go in tomorrow? Help...

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Adopted BPD Intro

Permanent Linkby delicateinfj24 on Tue Feb 27, 2018 11:48 pm

Hi All! This is my first post (obvi) and first forum I have ever joined! I feel this is a safe space and I hope to learn/vent/help on here. I am 24 years old, and was diagnosed with BPD at age 17. I do think it has something to do with my adoption. I was adopted at birth, my adoptive parents are white and I am Fijian. I grew up in a privileged lifestyle but very sheltered. I was never around other children or adults for that matter that looked like me so a loss of identity came at a very young age and I felt it. I have struggled with panic attacks and anxiety since I was 11, my parents thought I was hyperventilating for attention so didn’t address it until was about 13, at age 16 I was prescribed Xanax, Prozac and seroquel (sp?) I did not respond well to the overload of drugs and attempted suicide by overdose. For the next 5 years I continued to drink heavily and use opiates, cocaine, ecstasy.. I do think this unfortunately heightened my mental illness, Ive been unstable for as long as I can remember but I have recently been practicing DBT therapy on my own and have been exercising and meditating. I am exclusively 420 friendly now and rarely ever drink alcohol anymore, I notice I get extremely suicidal now on the “hangover” day after drinking. Anyways that’s a little about me, my boyfriend of 4 years is wonderful but has no understanding of mental illness and it’s hard for him to understand. I don’t talk to my parents about it because I feel I worry them so much and I don’t want that. Hoping you’d like to chat!

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