This is one of the lowest I have ever felt. I am so sad I can't even cry. I am on tons of medication. I guess its keeping me alive right now. I am just sad. I don't even know why I am sad.
| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/debra/index_sid-e4aaaf8ddd752a23ef08a4ba677aaf64_start-10.html |
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| Author: | debra [ Mon Jul 11, 2011 6:20 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Feeling Low |
This is one of the lowest I have ever felt. I am so sad I can't even cry. I am on tons of medication. I guess its keeping me alive right now. I am just sad. I don't even know why I am sad.
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| Author: | debra [ Sat Jul 09, 2011 1:13 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Doctors |
I was so so sad. It was worse than ever. I was desprately searching for relief from someone. I went to my counselor's office to see if anyone was available. My counselor is on vacation, but he talked to me on the phone about calming down. Then I drove to the P office because I wanted to get some relief, but she was very busy. I tried to write a note, but I couldn't. So I just sat in my car outside the office. The two people that could help were busy and I was so desprate for help. A lady came up and asked what was wrong. I said nothing, but she started holding my hand. We'll I don't like to be touched, but I didn't have the heart to tell her. She talked to me a little and then I went home. I wrote on the forum earlier and then had a few replies when I got home, which did help, but I was still sad.I just decided to try to go to sleep. I was so so so sad I just wanted to stop living and take my cats with me. I tried to call a few more people, but no one was available. It is so hard to know what to do. I did not want to go into the hospital, which is what a hotline would have told me. So I took some xanax and laid down. I thought for a while how I would do it and just decided on pills. Before I could get up the medicine started working and I fell asleep. I woke up in a few hours and took more xanax, Finally, last night I was able to reach a counselor. She really helped me see that I am ok and will get through this. I was just thinking,I would have been dead this morning because I had no one to help me get a better perspective. No one would have known. Some days are so hard. They are just too sad to handle. I am glad to make it another day. Deb. |
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| Author: | debra [ Fri Jul 08, 2011 11:15 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Truth |
I just wrote down six of my abusers. I look at the list and think how is this possible? i am sure others have had worse, but I mean how is it possible for me. I wanted the perfect little life, but very few times in my life I wasn't being abused by somebody. It was sexually, physically, and emotionally abused. No wonder I feel the way I do about myself. This is a pattern on not setting boundaries and limits. I could have stopped a lot of these things from happening . I can't believe I did all of this. Then I told myself lies about my life. I told myself that everything was the way it needed to be. The truth is I have a big mess to clean up. |
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| Author: | debra [ Thu Jul 07, 2011 9:20 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Best Friends |
I told my two closest friends about my flashbacks. I was so afraid they would think i was strange, but they actually took it very well. One even said you are not making it up. My house mate has noticed that i have changed recently. She said I wasn't functioning well. She is right. I can't sleep and only eat a little each day. I really hope to sleep soon. However, since I admitted I was abused, a strange peace has come over me. The Bible says "The truth will set you free" and I believe that is what it means. I am free from the torment of an inner struggle. I am free to tell others and I am free to be who I really am. I am a survivor, not a victim. I will be able to move through and past this with lots of help. I know God is providing friends and counselors for me to heal. I just hope that I can use my healing to help others do the same. Thank you to all who read this and are supportive. You are so important to me! love you, Deb 
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| Author: | debra [ Thu Jul 07, 2011 1:22 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Worst Day Ever |
This has been such a horrible day. It started with flashbacks and chats. I am so lost right now. I don't know who i really am, because truth is hitting me in the face and it is ugly.No more perfect life. |
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