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davidivad
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Joined: Thu Apr 10, 2014 6:20 am
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the flashlight soul
   Fri May 02, 2014 6:11 am

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the flashlight soul

Permanent Linkby davidivad on Fri May 02, 2014 6:11 am

fart, fart, and lots of wind...
that's all i got right now :shock:

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the beaten path

Permanent Linkby davidivad on Wed Apr 30, 2014 10:23 am

i am often amused by the sincerity in which attribute an uncaring attitude to success.
how does this equate?
the way i see it, you only live once so leave a real mark.
by doing what everyone else does how can you possibly stand out?
by adopting an i do not care attitude, you put yourself in a position where there are so many others that you are bound to be beaten. why take such a path?
make a contribution to the world that nobody will take away from you.
you will be remembered beyond your passing.
stay off the beaten path or you will be beaten and never remembered.
make your own path and find an undiscovered world that lies in every direction.
you are bound to leave a mark and someone is always there to follow.

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rat in a cage

Permanent Linkby davidivad on Wed Apr 30, 2014 5:16 am

i have these uncompromising moments of realization that happen to me randomly.
i will give an example:
i was jogging at the YMCA today. there were several people on the inside track traipsing along.
i was compelled to stay ahead and not let anyone pass me. there was an older man with a walker giving it heck too. i admired his tenacity. i was jogging along with nobody ahead of me when i experienced viewing myself from above and from a stranger's perspective.

i noticed that this man (me) was running in small loops around an enclosed area because he had a membership. he also was obliged to stay ahead of the pack. this was all a facade and had no real purpose beyond expectations he put upon himself. i could feel the closed in nature of the track and the ritualistic pattern which everyone there followed. these people all had the same thing in common. they were encased by a box that was not real.

i go through my life every day noticing people that oppress each other in various shapes and forms just to get attention. other people that do not are piloted and herded along to suit the offenders' goals. there are of course people like me that just don't fit the bill. yes, i am a Shepard's nightmare. i rarely conform and when i do i am reminded by external observation.

having these experiences has the strangest feeling to it. everything seems more three dimensional and i can literally feel every thing going on around me. it is as if i have been removed from my body and can feel the entire area. not being much of a believer in spiritual transcendence and such, i did research on it and found that parts of my brain shut down while others ramp up. i am literally outside the self yet aware. there are instances in meditation where this happens also.

i suppose i will continue on with my narrow view of the world only to fleetingly realize how small it actually is. what did my experience tell me this time?
i can really be a cud chewing cow at times...

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high flying

Permanent Linkby davidivad on Tue Apr 29, 2014 12:18 pm

i had another one of those flying dreams last night but it started out weird.
i went to a family get together with the mother of my child. we were all young again and having a party in the garage. some crazy lady kept trying to kill my child (she was a baby in my dream).
somehow, the baby disapeared and i was in need to find her so i raised my hands to fly and was flying close to the ground in a large city trying to find her. people were after me too. i was lost and flying through the city for so long that my hands were getting tired. i was lost at a highway ribbon and realized that if i flew higher that i could see the river and just go in the right direction.

i found the river but i had to got through the check point at the bridge, so if swooped down and ended up in this conveyer driven electronics board mover. i was hoping from board to board as they weaved in and out like a slide puzzle. when i got to the end, i grabbed what looked like an expensive hand held computer and flew off through the window. i guess i figured i was already on the run.

the last thing i remember in the dream was flying along trying to read interstate signs so i could find the right road.

i think part of the reason i dreamed about my kid was the fact that i have felt ignored by her lately.
she has been working on a school project with her boyfriend and hasnt answered any of my calls or texts for three days now. she did finally text me back to let me know what was up after i asked her if she was mad at me. she reminded me that she loved me.
what am i going to do when she goes to college? maybe i will sprout wings...

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getting back in shape

Permanent Linkby davidivad on Mon Apr 28, 2014 12:09 pm

i have been gaining weight since starting the new meds and it is all around the belly...
so, i talked to my doc about getting a discount membership at the local YMCA.
it takes about an hour to get there by the bus system due to having to get a transfer but i need to get this going. i went last monday and hit the free weights. it's been twenty years since i lifted weights before... i was lost in a jungle of never before seen equipment for about a half hour before i defaulted to trying some simple dumbell curls. i did some tricept extensions and some leg workouts like squats and donkey curls. i even figured out some kind of machine for your lats and back.

by the time i got done and was at the bus stop, my arms were too swelled to bring a cigarette to my lips. i woke up the next morning in pain. i had intentionally not worked out that hard just so that i would not feel this way yet here i was. for a short while i felt my age, but then realized how little i have to work out to get that body building burn. i figure that at this rate i should be built like the young Arnold Schwarzenegger with a couple hundred repetitions! lol.

i have to work out every day this week to keep my membership active next month. i will work out today and Tuesday and Wednesday i will act like i know how to help others... it's not that hard to give someone emotional support.

when i am done i will look like i am 21 again... with lots of old man wrinkles. should i invest in cold cream too?

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