Today I talked to a few people about my tuition situation. Though there is no way to get the hold lifted until I pay, the man at res life told me he'd do what he could to make sure I got what I wanted. I kind of think he was flirting with me.

When he told me there was no way to lift the hold, I threatened to drop out and become a serial killer.

And then he asked if it'd been a hard semester and I had him in the palm of my hand.

I was in a really good mood today, but it's fizzled as I keep thinking of how Dylan hasn't reciprocated my interest. I called him today and he didn't answer. I went to his door twice. Both times, I swear I heard something stirring in there, but no one answered. It could have been something making background noise, because the sound was mostly the same both times.

But still, I fear he's avoiding me. I wish I could have a sit down with him and just get everything out on the table. He could tell me he wants nothing to do with me. I just want to know. And if he were to respectfully end whatever this is, I would respect his wish and let it rest. All I demand is respect.

The second time I went to his door, I heard the sound inside and I got really agitated at the thought of being ignored so I kicked the door as to scare whoever it was. I walked away like idgaf and no one answered which supports the thesis that no one was there.

I think this is an obsession. Obsessions aren't logical, they have no answers.

It just makes it worse that sometimes he's nice to me, even interested in what I have to say. He remembers when we exchanged numbers, he remembered that I was doing the dodgeball tournament. WHY CAN'T HE REMEMBER TO PAY ATTENTION TO ME EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.

I feel like a psycho, being obsessed with a person. I'm awful. I'm the worst kind of person; I can't take a hint! I hate people who can't take hints! Or maybe I'm taking hints that aren't there, which is comparatively better but still awful. I just wish a guy would pay attention to me. I'm so lonely! I regress sometimes, but thankfully it's never in the form of tantrums (unless I do it without realizing). I never threw tantrums as a child. Sometimes I regress, and I just lay on the floor in the fetal position.I was a very docile child.

But honestly I feel like I'm retarded or something for liking him so much even though he probably hates me. He and his roommates probably make fun of my voice or my face whenever I come to the door. He probably has me saved in his phone as #######1. He probably has tons of girls after him and he's boasting about how he's so great even a guy wants him. Well guess what, punk; it doesn't mean anything! I'm insane!

The RA's avoid me now, probably because his RA told them all that I was stalking him. I wasn't stalking him, I was looking for ways to get closer to him. I never followed him anywhere. I only took what I was given. But still, he's perfect and I'm the black sheep gay kid who's off his rocker, so I'm guilty.

I just think we could have such a good future together, and I don't have anyone to replace him with in my dreams. I don't know what to do. I wish I could commit a pseudo-attempt and have him save me. I wish he would visit me in the hospital. I wish I wasn't so detestable.

I distract myself from him by making myself look as good as I can. Today was warm so I wore shorts and they were pretty short and I felt like a socialite or something. I really am attractive. I just wish I gave off the inviting vibe that it seems everyone else does.