Our partner

To Be Human;
Kit. 19. Male. Ohioan. I'm a college student majoring in humanities. I want to be a beautiful mystery.

Formal diagnosis: Adjustment Disorder, Mood Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Self diagnosis: Histrionic Personality Disorder
coneyislandking
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
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Joined: Sun Nov 25, 2012 11:48 pm
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Sadness

Permanent Linkby coneyislandking on Wed Mar 26, 2014 8:31 pm

I feel very sad right now. If someone asked me how I was, I'd say I was fine. But that denies the reason I am sad. I'm sad because I'm all alone. I want someone to be worried about me, but I feel like no one cares.

I understand my crush doesn't like me at all, but when I feel the way I do now, all I want to do is see him. I really just want to see someone and have hope. I just want male attention from males who aren't going to drain me. It's sad for me that my crush doesn't like me. If he could love me, I would have been so right for him.

And what am I supposed to do? I feel unable to just let go, and every time he sees me and is nice out of policy, I am going to read into it way too much. I don't want to go to my classes for the rest of the day, but I feel I should because I don't want to fail. But really I just want to lay down and die and wait until tomorrow when I can go out with my friends and hopefully get the attention I want.

I feel ruined by the guys I gave everything to but who didn't want me. I have exploited myself and revealed every weakness and I have nothing to show for it.

I kind of wish I was authentically crazy, like with psychosis or something. That way, I wouldn't have to "play" the victim.

I really just wish I had an actual reason to be hurt by these guys other than me being ######6 insane, and I wish they'd apologize. I wish a guy would visit me or look for me when I'm not in the mood to make myself known.

But if a guy did that, I can guess I'd be compelled to pretend to be more damaged than I might actually be.

I just wish there was a guy thinking of me all the time. I am so unhappy.

There are some mornings when the sky looks like a road.
There are some dragons who were built to have and hold.
And some machines are dropped from great heights lovingly,
and some great bellies ache with many bumblebees,
and they sting so terribly.
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