Our partner

To Be Human;
Kit. 19. Male. Ohioan. I'm a college student majoring in humanities. I want to be a beautiful mystery.

Formal diagnosis: Adjustment Disorder, Mood Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Self diagnosis: Histrionic Personality Disorder
coneyislandking
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 266
Joined: Sun Nov 25, 2012 11:48 pm
Blog: View Blog (43)
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Dead in the Water
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Re:Model (2)

Permanent Linkby coneyislandking on Sun Mar 30, 2014 6:05 pm

So it wasn't the library fine that was keeping me from registering for classes and also signing up for residence next semester. It's outstanding tuition.

I am trying to be calm for this but it's eating away at me because there is nothing I can do about it. I called my mom, and she says she'll do what she can to pay it as soon as possible. I guess that's what I need. It's just so much money, like 1200 dollars.

I was looking through my grandma's drawers for drugs, and I found some pictures of me from kindergarten. Seeing how cute I was, inspired me to start thinking in less black and white ways. I don't have to "hate" my mom just because things aren't easy. She does everything she can for me, and I do need her a lot. She also sticks to her guns, which she takes to a narcissistic extent, but it's something I really admire.

She does everything she can to make me happy, and it makes me feel bad that she will do everything I ask, but I won't be happy because what I really want is a good boyfriend.

I also think that her doing so much for me was ultimately bad, because now I have an incompetence or inadequacy complex. Whenever something was too hard or stressful for me as a child, she would either do it for me or allow me to quit.

I called my crush last night. He didn't answer, but I liked hearing his answering machine. I wish I could call him today, but I don't want him to see how much I need his attention. I mean, I do want him to see it but I want him to appreciate it. I'm afraid he'll see it and turn his back on me.

My best friend is someone who saw how much I needed his attention and appreciated it. I am so thankful for him.

Anyway, if anyone's reading this and would care to comment, do you think it's okay for me to call him? Should I say I was just bored, that I wanted to see how he was, or that I need help with math?

My English professor emailed me back and said I'm not in danger of failing. That will help my GPA a lot, because I failed English last semester (don't ask).

There are some mornings when the sky looks like a road.
There are some dragons who were built to have and hold.
And some machines are dropped from great heights lovingly,
and some great bellies ache with many bumblebees,
and they sting so terribly.
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