So it wasn't the library fine that was keeping me from registering for classes and also signing up for residence next semester. It's outstanding tuition.

I am trying to be calm for this but it's eating away at me because there is nothing I can do about it. I called my mom, and she says she'll do what she can to pay it as soon as possible. I guess that's what I need. It's just so much money, like 1200 dollars.

I was looking through my grandma's drawers for drugs, and I found some pictures of me from kindergarten. Seeing how cute I was, inspired me to start thinking in less black and white ways. I don't have to "hate" my mom just because things aren't easy. She does everything she can for me, and I do need her a lot. She also sticks to her guns, which she takes to a narcissistic extent, but it's something I really admire.

She does everything she can to make me happy, and it makes me feel bad that she will do everything I ask, but I won't be happy because what I really want is a good boyfriend.

I also think that her doing so much for me was ultimately bad, because now I have an incompetence or inadequacy complex. Whenever something was too hard or stressful for me as a child, she would either do it for me or allow me to quit.

I called my crush last night. He didn't answer, but I liked hearing his answering machine. I wish I could call him today, but I don't want him to see how much I need his attention. I mean, I do want him to see it but I want him to appreciate it. I'm afraid he'll see it and turn his back on me.

My best friend is someone who saw how much I needed his attention and appreciated it. I am so thankful for him.

Anyway, if anyone's reading this and would care to comment, do you think it's okay for me to call him? Should I say I was just bored, that I wanted to see how he was, or that I need help with math?

My English professor emailed me back and said I'm not in danger of failing. That will help my GPA a lot, because I failed English last semester (don't ask).