Our partner

To Be Human;
Kit. 19. Male. Ohioan. I'm a college student majoring in humanities. I want to be a beautiful mystery.

Formal diagnosis: Adjustment Disorder, Mood Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Self diagnosis: Histrionic Personality Disorder
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 266
Joined: Sun Nov 25, 2012 11:48 pm
Blog: View Blog (43)
- June 2014
Dead in the Water
   Mon Jun 09, 2014 9:31 pm
Like a Satellite
   Thu Jun 05, 2014 5:08 am

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Like a Satellite

Permanent Linkby coneyislandking on Thu Jun 05, 2014 5:08 am

I got dumped yesterday for being "too high maintenance" and yeah, I took it really hard, but right now I'm actually really happy! I've found a lot of diamonds in the rough recently. Some people I thought were diamonds were transient but I'm learning to live and let live, and that is the hardest thing in the world! I'm constantly trying to control my thinking and it limits my perception of reality. And that's a total bummer.

I miss "Jack", but I am ultimately really proud of myself for how I handled things. I told him I was excited for our date, and he said he had bad news. Flippantly and completely aware of what that meant, I responded, "I love bad news." and I don't know about you but I think that was a hilarious comment in a brutal situation. He then asked me if I wanted to find someone else, and before I even responded I knew he was trying to trick me into breaking up with him. He had promised me he would be direct and I believed him. He mentioned a long phone conversation with a friend he had, and I can't help but painfully suspect he has feelings for that friend. I cycled between desperation and hostility as dramatically as anyone could, but ultimately, I know I'm still the bigger person because I didn't say everything I could have. I didn't say enough to actually hurt him.

I have had some great support from friends all around me, and I am really thankful. I also have noticed recently that I get hit on a lot. Before, I would have sworn no one ever hit on me but now that I am more aware of how others think, I can listen to what they're saying and what it actually means.

I think my friend's boyfriend is into me. He followed me around at the club like a puppy, carrying my things for me, and he just seems all around flirty. I don't know if I'm into him, but I am really into having people into me. He's hot enough. But then his girlfriend has been such a good friend to me recently! I hate this thing I've begun doing where I consider how my actions will affect other people. I mean, what if the love of my life was actually dating a friend of mine who's been loyal? What if!

And what does one do with their time if they don't have people to interact with or things to do? Like, how do you fall asleep at night when you know no one loves you at that time? How do you live without a definite prospect of happiness in the near future?

There are some mornings when the sky looks like a road.
There are some dragons who were built to have and hold.
And some machines are dropped from great heights lovingly,
and some great bellies ache with many bumblebees,
and they sting so terribly.
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