Today I spontaneously decided to change what bus I got on after my class, and guess who was there? My crush. I took the seat next to him, and I think he acknowledged me before I acknowledged him. When I did acknowledge him, I decided to ask something I would regret not asking if I didn't ask it. I asked him if he got my texts.

He said no, because he has to pay his own phone bill now and no longer gets texting. He told me at the beginning of the year that he barely texted, so I believe that it would have been an expendable luxury for him.

I explained what my texts from yesterday were about, and I also explained how him not having texting explained a lot to me--I told him about how I assume people think I'm insane if they don't respond, though not in those same words. He was so cute! It would be really nice if he was the man I ended up marrying someday. He has acne an average amount of acne, and though I am usually grossed out by that stuff, it made me like him more, and in a more realistic way because I like that he's a human with problems that unlucky teens have to face. It makes me feel like if I were in a relationship with him, I might not have to hide the zits I get. He also has a little bit of a mustache. Usually it grosses me out when guys have mustaches, like the youthful and thin mustache, but I appreciate his. It makes him in some ways more mature than me--I cannot grow a mustache (I am blessed with very sparse body hair).

And because he doesn't get texts, he never saw the worst parts I showed him. That's why he didn't know I'd stolen his name tags, even when I told him over text. Because he doesn't text, only the good parts of our relationship exists and that is wonderful. He still sees me as who I was at the beginning.

And now that I know he won't get my texts, I no longer feel the pressure of having to keep in touch with him all the time or of having to be involved every second of every day. I can also fantasize about him as much as I want, because we are only getting closer. Before this, I was discouraging fantasy of him because I felt we were falling apart due to what I said in text.

If you were wondering, my texts to him hardly seemed angry or anything, but they were frequent and sometimes I'd say things that were effectively manipulative.

A week from today I have a University mandated psychological evaluation because of things I said when I was stoned. We'll see how that goes.