Our partner

To Be Human;
Kit. 19. Male. Ohioan. I'm a college student majoring in humanities. I want to be a beautiful mystery.

Formal diagnosis: Adjustment Disorder, Mood Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Self diagnosis: Histrionic Personality Disorder
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 266
Joined: Sun Nov 25, 2012 11:48 pm
Blog: View Blog (43)
- June 2014
Dead in the Water
   Mon Jun 09, 2014 9:31 pm
Like a Satellite
   Thu Jun 05, 2014 5:08 am

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Permanent Linkby coneyislandking on Sun Apr 20, 2014 9:02 pm

I've not even seen Dylan since the day I gave him the note. I do want to see him, but now that he knows I like him, he would seek me out if he wanted to see me. I just feel so incompetent socially. Like, I don't know if there's some common rule that I should seek him out now. I think it's funny that histrionics are considered to have great people skills, and I do have great people skills, but I don't understand people!

But I guess he's irrelevant now. I've obsessed over guys before and most of them are friendly to me when we run into each other. Dylan will just have to join them.

I like my RA a lot. The other day I was high and I texted him a question "Where are you?" When I sent it, I was going to ask for a hug because I was feeling depressed--when I'm left alone for too long while high, my thoughts become very depressing and dysmorphophobic. But then he responded "Are you okay?" and my heart fluttered. He knows how sensitive and kind of unstable I am.

So I took down one of my paintings from my wall and wrote him a letter on the back, and it was a thank you for everything he'd done for me and how he'd been the best RA I could've had, and how much he meant to me (without saying anything he should worry about). I used to make paintings just to give to him, so it was sentimental.

I asked him if he got it and he texted me back saying "I did. Thanks bud" and that was the last text he sent me. I'm afraid I @!@@@! it all up, but he knows me and he knows how I'll react if he gets cold. I sent him more texts apologizing for being annoying lately and asking him to tell me when he wanted to move my stuff for me (he's like a boyfriend it's great) when we move out, and then I sent one last one apologizing if my letter was out of line, and saying I was embarrassed. I hope to see him soon, since I just got back from going home for the weekend.

Oh, I never mentioned my now ex boyfriend "Mike". He was cheating on his boyfriend with me and had "legitimate" feelings for me, but he always tried to discount my experiences by saying he had similar ones. That caused everything I felt for him to vanish. I left him without a word. Friday, I saw him with his boyfriend and he tried to introduce us but I said I was stoned and ran away. I was actually high.

And that brings us to the main topic. I have mastered the role of Effy! The other day I woke up and decided to tear the sleeves off and old tee shirt to show off how skinny I've become, and I knew ever since that I had become one with Elizabeth Stonem. I'm so happy now because I can comfortably go about my life hiding all of my feelings but also being a good person with good advice. I'll speak in riddles and aphorisms and I'll be hard to control.

I like a new guy, "Collin". He is a friend of a friend who I met when I was performing somewhere. He's straight but he seems pretty in the middle. He once asked me to pick if I thought he was more attractive than my friend. The other day I was smoking a bong in my car and he got in the car next to me. I was high, so I started hardcore staring at him. He looked up and startled and then came around and asked if I was trying to do "that".

I thought he meant trying to get caught, but he meant trying to scare him. I was like "No. Sorry" and he was like "What?" and then when he walked away, I got his attention and asked him if he thought I was a bad person (I'm still operating under the pretense that he knows I was smoking pot). He replied by saying "What? No." in a very reassuring way.

He's just as critical of our mutual friend as I am and that is a beautiful thing. He is adorable! We might play soccer together later. I might also ask if he wants to smoke with me. 4/20! Praise it while you blaze it!

~*~ThE lOrD hAs RiSeN~*~

There are some mornings when the sky looks like a road.
There are some dragons who were built to have and hold.
And some machines are dropped from great heights lovingly,
and some great bellies ache with many bumblebees,
and they sting so terribly.
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