I think I'm still doing well, but there are some things that really stress me out and I want to talk about them.

Me and this guy were never serious. We talked for probably like 3 weeks but those three weeks were very intense and great for me. We made plans for the future, I revealed everything about myself that I could, and I felt myself changing positively as a person. We'd made plans for a date, and because I was so happy I'd found him, I even promised him sex.

So, the date was supposed to be last Thursday and we broke up last Tuesday. I told him I was excited for the date and he said he had to cancel it. Upset, I told him I didn't care as long as he made plans. He told me he shouldn't have to make plans because he'd made those plans. I can't remember what I said, but I think I was on a little bit of a power trip here and really sticking it to him that he make plans.

He then asked me if I thought I should find someone else. I told him I didn't want to and he then receded into telling me he wasn't ready for a relationship. I then reminded him he'd said he wouldn't abandon me and he said he wasn't abandoning me. I knew he was, though. I then did probably the stupidest thing of the night by telling him all the ways he was horrible, devaluing him to his face. I regretted it immediately and he said he'd think about letting us be friends but he's since blocked me on his phone, so I have no way to get a hold of him.

I know he really did care about me, and I guess that means other people can care about me, too. I just am pissed because I don't know the "real" reason he did what he did. I've resolved that no matter how much I look for the answers, no answer will be good enough or seem legitimate because knowing why he did it won't make me feel better because it won't get me a boyfriend. That's really all I want is a trendy boyfriend!

I legitimately feel like no one cares about me. Every time someone leaves me, I lose my security in all my relationships and have to rebuild it.

Two days after getting dumped, I went to the club by myself and was looking hot. I got complimented left and right, even made out with a guy. He gave me his number but I've yet to text him. I got home that night and was still so sad about Jake. I just feel like I was so accepted by him, and now everything we had is gone. And what makes me the most neurotic about it is that if I wouldn't have been on a power trip right then, we'd still work out.

But part of me was very annoyed with his indifference to things like that, so a part of me is glad I did what I did. If I hadn't, I probably would have made him pay for it in some way eventually. I just want to know everything's going to be alright for me.