Our partner

To Be Human;
Kit. 19. Male. Ohioan. I'm a college student majoring in humanities. I want to be a beautiful mystery.

Formal diagnosis: Adjustment Disorder, Mood Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Self diagnosis: Histrionic Personality Disorder
coneyislandking
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Counter-transference

Permanent Linkby coneyislandking on Sat Feb 15, 2014 8:45 pm

I was writing a blog entry on the presentation differences of BPD and HPD, and the most thought-provoking one that I found was that borderlines engage in transference more often, while histrionics get involved in counter-transference more often. The post was in regard to how they relate to their therapists, of course, but I (as a hysteric myself) find that counter-transference is largely the adhesive to my relationships out of therapy, too.

I am more compelled by the way I am treated than the way I feel about people. The way I feel about people is mostly determined by how they treat me or how I want them to treat me, or how they have treated me in the past.

Countertransference is defined as a redirection of a psychotherapist's feelings toward the client--or, more generally, a therapist's emotional entanglement with a client.

Of course, how I discuss it here is broadened in scope. People being emotionally invested in another person is not abnormal or pathological. What I mean, is I try to invoke in others an unreasonable sense of responsibility for my actions and my emotions.

I avoid guilt or responsibility by extraspecting and making other people into my conscience. This is most likely the result of an authoritative mother. I never learned to trust my own judgment, but instead what was likely to be permitted.

I feel a great satisfaction when I feel other people have taken responsibility for me, or when they feel guilt for something I did, as if they should have protected me. I feel a lot of this from my RA, who seems to infantilize me and think I am incapable of making rational decisions. He doesn't fraternize with me the way he does with some other residents, but he does frequently check up on me and try to sway me from doing things he doesn't approve of. He frequently reports behavior of mine to my community adviser.

He also grooms me to compliment his girlfriends. He rewards attention-seeking or dramatic behavior, too, so I think it's a nice symbiosis.

There are some mornings when the sky looks like a road.
There are some dragons who were built to have and hold.
And some machines are dropped from great heights lovingly,
and some great bellies ache with many bumblebees,
and they sting so terribly.
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