Our partner

To Be Human;
Kit. 19. Male. Ohioan. I'm a college student majoring in humanities. I want to be a beautiful mystery.

Formal diagnosis: Adjustment Disorder, Mood Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Self diagnosis: Histrionic Personality Disorder
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 266
Joined: Sun Nov 25, 2012 11:48 pm
Blog: View Blog (43)
- June 2014
Dead in the Water
   Mon Jun 09, 2014 9:31 pm
Like a Satellite
   Thu Jun 05, 2014 5:08 am

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Permanent Linkby coneyislandking on Tue Apr 15, 2014 2:12 pm

I think I'm more upset about the death of my grandmother than I wanted to accept or admit. She died in January, and only then did I realize how well she really knew me. I feel like she was the only person to love me unconditionally.

I think I expressed my grief through trying to replace her with my crush, causing me to be obsessive. I do that a lot. Try to replace people.

When I was stoned, I was prowling about my building and I saw my crush's roommate. I asked if my crush was home and he said he didn't know. He then went where he'd been going and I eaves dropped the conversation, where it was made clear to me that he knows I have a crush on him.

And I think he's been avoiding me. I want to see him, but even then, I'm torn between calling him out and pretending nothing's up, or trying to do both. I guess I'm okay with the possibility of nothing ever happening between us, but I despise the feeling of being the only one to get hurt.

And it's so hard to stay away from him, or to avoid situations where interaction is possible. I think I see him more when I'm not trying, though.

I don't know if this means anything, but he has the same eyes as my grandmother. I didn't notice that until I hypothesized that he may be her replacement in my mind.

I wish I could explain it to him, that I'm just dealing with stress I don't even realize is there.

I wish I would have a day that was phenomenal. I need one.

There are some mornings when the sky looks like a road.
There are some dragons who were built to have and hold.
And some machines are dropped from great heights lovingly,
and some great bellies ache with many bumblebees,
and they sting so terribly.
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