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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/caughtinafray/42nd_way_to_say_the_same_thing_b-11010_sid-13c69a551632bdfd0ba5db9e209b20b9.html |
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| Author: | caughtinafray [ Sat Apr 22, 2017 6:19 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | 42nd way to say the same thing |
It was less than an hour ago, I was lying in bed, mind plagued by a ferocious storm of all the lovely thoughts that bring me all the great forms of misery. Much of it is just the world itself... or more specifically, the human condition. I don't know why, but I just feel so "in-tune" with the bitterness of it. Maybe it's just one of those random fascinations we all have..... one that I certainly find counter-intuitively distressing. I've blogged much less frequently here for quite awhile, and the main reason is basically because I've been doing the same thing elsewhere. Of course, for privacy purposes, I won't be mentioning where. But I do feel like mentioning that I've been in contact with someone on a regular basis since around new year's time. I submitted a post, once, about how I was in contact with someone online who I could consider a friend, and the only one. Well, I think it's safe to say that that's happened again. It's someone from a different country, who's about the same age as me, a bit less than a year older. She's this profoundly generous person, maybe a little too generous at times. I tend to feel obligated to return the favor equally, which can be sort of a.... task, so to speak, depending on how my mood is at a given time.... and I do that even though she's told me various times that I shouldn't feel that I have to. But, it's not like it's not worth it or anything, she's probably the most supportive and well-meaning person I've ever spoke to. About the first paragraph.... there was a moment where I just felt really okay with death. And I kind of still do, right now. It's not making me anxious to think about it, it's just coming to me as "if it has to happen, then I'll just let it be the way it is." But now I know that I'd be leaving someone behind, someone who's told me more than once that she'd be emotionally damaged if I was to disappear. And, likewise, I know how I would feel if she disappeared. I'm...... kind of not doing well right now. |
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