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| Author: | brown_eyed_newb [ Sat Nov 05, 2011 4:41 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | From uppers to downers. |
I went from a good high to way down low 2 hours ago. Me and Zack started talking again today, right? 2 hours ago we were talking on FaceBook, and I asked him if he was going to the dance. He said he would if he had a date. I made up my mind to ask him to go with me to the dance on Monday. 10 minutes after that, he told me he had just asked a girl to the dance. I just about wanted to cry. The first thing that came to my mind was eat. Eat hearty, don't stop, then take a shower and purge while the water is running so no one hears. Excuse me as I cry. |
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| Author: | brown_eyed_newb [ Fri Nov 04, 2011 11:57 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Uppers then sideways. |
I've been feeling so up... I went to bed slightly early, but I still woke up 30 minutes before my alarm clock went off. Fell back asleep, woke up 11 minutes later. I hadn't felt that rested in a long time, which is weird because I only went to bed maybe 10 minutes earlier. I walked half way to school and it started sprinkling. I didn't think much of it, although I considered back tracking to home for an umbrella (I didn't because I had a math quiz 1st period and didn't want to be late). When I got to school, I saw zack and I guess I got us back on talking terms again. I wonder if I should ask him to the winter dance, or let him decide since he still likes that girl... I got soaked after 2nd period during break, and my hair was curling after wards. Beautiful. Zack started playing with my hair again during science, which is our only class together, but still. It made me happy that things were back to the same again. Nothing else happened I guess. Still up. Playing my flute... Going sideways. |
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| Author: | brown_eyed_newb [ Fri Nov 04, 2011 12:57 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Friday is gonna suck |
Let me continue to b***h about my life. I haven't purged for two days because someone is always around, and mother nature decided to give me my gift for the month. But since then, I've been feeling really up, not all hyper and stuff, but getting anxious and talkative for once. Especially during music club because I was finally able to rent out a flute. I guess I like my ups better than my downs because I don't feel so...moody. Dreading my science class today, we have an exam that I'm not sure how prepared I am for it. Luckily the classes I have exams in today are after SSR and lunch, so I can study a bit more. My dreams are getting a bit bizarre now. I mean, not riding pop tarts to mars where abundant unicorns roam bizarre, but just... bleh. Dreaming about Zack now? I just broke up with Daniel! Is there any way that my dreams can make me feel like a b***h!? Now, the only reason why Zack has been ignoring me is because he started developing feelings for another girl, so he's stuck in the middle where he doesn't know which way to go. I can understand that. 2 girls? I can live with it if he doesn't want to be with me. Why would he want to be with a depressed/hyper girl who mouth probably tastes like stomach acid anyways? |
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| Author: | brown_eyed_newb [ Wed Nov 02, 2011 11:34 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | How low can you go anyways? |
Ok then.. I broke up with Daniel, Zack is still ignoring me, and my moods still running deep down low. The enjoyability of life just went into the negatives. Right after school, I went to the cross country practice like usual, and Zack barely said 2 words to me. 'Hi Sophia'. Are his words really that empty..? Once I actually decide on how I feel about him, he turns his back and starts acting like Matt.. Like I don't matter, exist, and just there. Daniel took the break up... well I guess. I know he was hurt because he had nothing ot say when I gave him the necklace back.. but still. And now, I'm just a lonely bulimic. Are there any left overs? Probably so. Only problem is that my house mates kids are here because it's his days off now... Ugh. You can't really binge in front of a teen chick and a 10 year old boy without some serious questions. Now after posting something on a forum, I'm going to go to my School councilour one of these days and ask if there is a way if I can check my mental health confidentially. I don't want my dad to find out, and I have to hope that things won't get.. out of hand if things go either way. |
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| Author: | brown_eyed_newb [ Wed Nov 02, 2011 1:38 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Take uppers, downers, then go side ways. |
I'm glad I eat a sufficiant breakfast in the morning. I might pass out during the day if I didn't. Right now, my head hurts a bit and I feel kinda jittery like last night. I feel a mix (?) between my hi and low moods. Just swirly. Guess I'm going sideways~ I'm probably going to break up with Daniel today for his sake and mine. I don't want him to keep going through my mishaps. Not to mention I'm really in to position to have a boyfriend when my bulimia is getting worse (binging more, and I'm making myself throw up not more frequent, but more when I do) I feel bad though... There's a winter dance and he asked if I would go with him and I just replied with a 'I can't answer that right now'. Zack claims he hasn't been ignoring me. But it feels like it. I have to literally be right in front of him for him to say hi to me. |
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