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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/brainslug/time_dilated_b-4027_sid-21f235d0ed1fcddf726c4214855d4668.html |
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| Author: | brainslug [ Sat Jan 19, 2013 3:45 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Time dilated |
Well, I don't know what to think of the sulbutiamine. I just don't know. On one hand, I think it is probably responsible for my mood the past few days. This morning, Interpersonal communication was almost a nightmare. But I was able to do it, I think due to sulbutiamine. We had to find a partner and introduce ourselves and ask questions. Of course, I had trouble looking for someone, meaning I just sat there. I am still myself, after all. But a girl partnered with me when I was one of the last people left. Anyway, it went quite smoothly. We actually CONVERSED, like full on conversation where people are talking back and forth and everything. It was pretty strange, to be honest. We had suggested conversation points to ask each other about, and we talked about them, but it wasn't just exchange of the points, there was actual conversation around them. Turns out, she went to the same high-school as me, but a year older. We talked about friends and stuff. To be blunt, she is the kind of person I would have avoided like the plague in high-school, cheerleader, hung out with "that" group that is.... that group. You know how it is in high-school. To be honest, she seems like a bit of a b**** based on how she talked about stuff and how she scoffed at other people in the class when we had to share our findings about people. Luckily, I think I am gifted with something that makes me so pathetic or passive or something that somehow keeps people from being able to be b****y at me. Actually, near the end of the conversation, she mentioned who she had been dating. I think that I remember my mom actually teaching this girl and disliking her for either cheating or being disruptive. I was going to bring up "yeah, my mom is Mrs. []", but I decided it would be best not to. Anyway, it was interesting to hear her talk about stuff. It kinda adds a human aspect to people. I mean, you recognize that everyone is a person, but to hear stuff from their point of view really makes you realize that everyone has a full life with problems and everything. Anyway, I was feeling great from when I got to the school, the good feeling from the sulbutiamine. During chemistry, it was really strong, it seemed like. I think that "high" could have described how I felt. I first really noticed it in stats. It is a strange feeling, like everything is in control and okay. I would have said maybe it was from the conversation, but I don't think so because I really disliked the girl a bit, and it wasn't an ego-boost or anything. If you have ever seen a painting or something that just looks surreal and perfect in some way, that is kinda how it feels. It is kinda like when your travel and then you go to sleep and wake up with the sun, and the light is extra-white, and everything feels rested and crisp and clean. I don't think I payed any attention to the lecture in chemistry. I wasn't even affected by the fact that I made an 80 on my last quiz. I felt like smiling and looked out the window most of the class. When I got the paper back, I said something (initiated the conversation) to my pal who sits in front of me. We discussed the paper briefly. We exchanged notes on the lecture in several points where one of us had missed something. I don't remember the lecture at all, though. I remember being happy and even the cars in the houses outside the window, and how great everything looked, a few notes that I wrote down. If I was dieing, I would want that feeling pumped into me. It kind worries me, though. I felt too good. I was definitely the happiest person in the room. Also, time over the last few days has been so long, even longer than it was before. I feel like a day is a week. A few hours after I got home, I took another to keep the feeling up, but it didn't work too well. It stayed for about 4 hours, but then it started to fall. I think there is something kinda depressing about my room, too. It needs a window, I think. By 6 or 7 all the good feeling was gone. For the past few hours, I have been feeling kinda bad, not really any worse than normal, but it makes me miss the good feeling. I feel kinda worse than normal, just a little bit. I don't think I am going to be taking 2 doses consecutively anymore. It isn't really worth it. The 2nd dose seems to be less effective, and it makes a harder after-effect, I think. I don't want to pointlessly build tolerance either. I watched Full Metal Jacket. Can't say it is a particularly good movie to me. I thought I would like it. I have liked all of Kubrick's other movies, but this one just didn't do it for some reason. It was okay, but I guess I just don't really like war movies, even if it is by a great director. Last night, I had a text conversation with the girl who I was trying to ask on a date. I don't really understand it. We talked some, and I guess that is all. Just talked about some school meeting and then about the counselors and how she hates them (which is pretty justified, truth be told). I feel like maybe I was supposed to change the topic, but I didn't. Near the end, the responses got shorter and the conversation just kinda fizzled out. So, either she just started talking to someone else, or I did something wrong. I am not really worrying about it too much. She got a new hair dye, and it looks good, professional, really clean and good-looking. I didn't say anything. I don't know if I should have. It was a strange conversation since she initiated it. I don't really know what that means. Trying not too read into it too much. It feels like it happened an eternity ago, though. Days are so long now, it is insane. Anyway, time will tell if sulbutiamine helps. We will see how everything goes. |
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