Well, today was a short day, so there was not a ton of stuff that happened.
Firstly, I slept for about 12 and a half hours last night, so I didn't have much time at home before school and felt like I had wasted a lot sleeping, but I guess if I slept that much, I need that much, and I am not going to argue with my bodily needs. I need that prefrontal cortex to develop nice and strong, ha ha.
Then I had sociology class. Not much new there. However, when I was walking out of the class(in the hallway, really), that girl who I was talking about in my last post (the one who has almost every class with me) was right behind me. I passed through the hall-exit door before her and semi-held it( like when you are both walking through the door where it opens out, away from you, and you don't stop, but you keep your hand holding the door open until their hand reaches the door so that it does not start to fall closed before they reach for the door) and glanced over my shoulder, and she thanked me. I acknowledged, but I don't remember my exact words. Then I quickly went down the stairs and exited the building. She was still behind me, I think. I hope I didn't make a fool out of myself by hurrying. Deep breaths, though. No need to worry about that. What is done is done, and there were probably some more likely explanations to her than "he kinda likes me, but is afraid to interact with me, and so he was attempting to flee any situation where he would have a chance of conversation with me." I am sure most people would just think "He must have a class to be to, or somewhere to be soon."
So, that situation triggered something good in my mind, using good loosely here. It felt good when she acknowledged me. That raises some concern. I need to be really careful here. I still don't know if she has a boyfriend or anything about her at all, really (not even her name, and it is probably best that I don't learn it, else I think it may speed up the process). I think if there is some "hope"-ability for this, I may follow into the crush/limerence. Honestly, even though it provokes a lot of negative emotions, and it makes me feel so horrible being alone, it has been a huge source of growth and motivation to get well in the past, and I think I need that. Also, times like this where I don't feel strongly about anyone is kinda boring. I like having someone to fixate one, as demented as that may sound. I just don't want to enter into a hopeless one and have pure torture for whatever unspecified period that it lasts. I just need to be observant and find out before it gets too strong so that I can throw the killswich on the feeling without much resistance(and while I still have the ability to do so).
When I got home, I had to study for math. Bah, calculus. Hopefully I will do well on that. It is in the morning before my tired time, so it should be fine.
Which brings up the situation that I am getting tired in the middle of the day again. I think it wasn't happening so much before because I had the stimulants, but not I am noticing it again. I seem to get really tired naturally around 10:00AM. This is not surprising considering my past sleep schedules. I prefer being awake at night. My natural sleep schedule is something like 8:00AM to 5:00PM based on the times I have been able to sleep and wake when naturally (without pills or an alarm), but that can't happen in the real world
