Today I was feeling especially agitated, which was a bit surprising considering there was no school and I slept for about 10 hours last night.

I had to go to town with my family, so I think that was the main trigger for it. It always stresses me being in the car with them because they are all so neurotic, and there is no way of telling if they are going to be in a good mood or bad mood until someone (and by that, I mean primarily my younger brother) does something and they get in trouble for it or get away with it.

But I was even more agitated than normal, and I think it was because I forgot to take my normal supplements/meds in the morning.

We went rock-climbing like we have been doing for several weeks now. I think it is a pretty good way to get out and confront avoidant feelings, really. Also, there isn't any real risk of injury; it is pretty safe.

I am afraid of heights, though. So far, it hadn't interfered too much, though. I can pretty much will it away, and I have way worse phobias, so it is pretty tame in comparison. It didn't go so well today, though. I could feel the panic more than normal and felt too weak to will it away. On one of the higher walls, I got nauseous and had to ask to be lowered down, but it was not too embarrassing because my mother was balleying (holding the rope and spotting) me and our family was the only one there.

Since it was significantly worse than how I normally react, I think it was most likely not just not taking the pills in the morning, but that in conjunction with a stressful/tiring week at college.

When I got home, I saw in the mail that my package had arrived from amazon. I ordered some more pills and they came in today. They are lemon balm, l-theanine, and Rhodiola rosea. The first two act on GABA, which I don't particularly like, but I guess I am willing to try them since I have heard good stories about them, and I have read that they are not nearly as bad for memory as benzos (of course they are much weaker too). I have taken lemon balm with some other gaba drugs in MidNite PM, and the combo made me feel stupid, but really relaxed.

I took the lemon balm and theanine (they are in the same pill) tonight, and so far it does have an observable effect. I feel calm, and the clam type of stupid is kinda there. It is not that bad, though.

I did do a mini test of it by trying to play a shooter video game that normally makes me paranoid/anxious (MW3), and I did not seem to get too anxious. I still had some anxiety, but I don't think it was over the normal threshold. My scores were lower than normal, but I don't know if that is due to reduced reflexes or due to the fact that my internet was slower than usual tonight. I did pretty bad which kinda increases the reliability of it, because normally I get really anxious with bad scores and "ragequit" or get that "electrical" type of anxiety in my mind which makes me worse at the game, and frustrates me. It didn't happen this time.

We will have to see if the effects carry over to real life situations at all. I just need something to let me go into the cafeteria, get food, find a seat, eat, and maybe try to talk to someone, all without panicking or freaking out. Also, I need to work up the courage to tell those people about what they need to do to their computers to fix the error for compsci. Those are my goals.

The only thing I regret is that if I tell them the error, I am going to have to dodge the truth about how I knew it Friday. That hardly seems like a friendly thing to do, but I think it would simplify things, and they will never know. Forgive me, guys. It can't be helped.

[quote="brainslug"]The only thing I regret is that if I tell them the error, I am going to have to dodge the truth about how I knew it Friday. That hardly seems like a friendly thing to do, but I think it would simplify things, and they will never know. Forgive me, guys. It can't be helped.[/quote]

Well, it's not like you did not tell them on Friday because of maliciousness, you just couldn't get yourself to do it. That happens sometimes and nobody should hold that against you. If someone asks about you not mentioning it sooner, it may help to have a response ready so you do not get flustered in the moment, like "The solution came to me over the weekend" or "I wasn't paying attention when we talked about it Friday."

[quote="rootbeer"][quote="brainslug"]The only thing I regret is that if I tell them the error, I am going to have to dodge the truth about how I knew it Friday. That hardly seems like a friendly thing to do, but I think it would simplify things, and they will never know. Forgive me, guys. It can't be helped.[/quote]

Well, it's not like you did not tell them on Friday because of maliciousness, you just couldn't get yourself to do it. That happens sometimes and nobody should hold that against you. If someone asks about you not mentioning it sooner, it may help to have a response ready so you do not get flustered in the moment, like "The solution came to me over the weekend" or "I wasn't paying attention when we talked about it Friday."[/quote]

Good idea. I am planning on saying something like "Over the weekend I tried to install it on my desktop computer and had a problem that sounded similar, and this is how I fixed it..."