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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/bluedragon1200/they_guilt_tripped_me_with_pudding_b-3329.html

Author:  bluedragon1200 [ Thu Sep 13, 2012 4:38 am ]
Blog Subject:  they guilt tripped me with pudding

So. School is pretty crazy. I'm in my professional semesters, which has a lot of homework. It's only 16 hours but it feels like my 20 hour semesters. (Don't do that. Especially if you have mental health problems.) I started to accept that how I felt in high school was not how life was going to be. I hadn't felt passionate or much of anything in a year. I just wanted to sleep. A lot. Stress and lack of sleep got to be too much. I started to contemplate suicide and for a while thought that God wanted me to die. I didn't feel my usual depressed and what not, just that I should not exist, as if something in the flow of time didn't happen correctly and I was a fluke, which must be corrected. At the third day of feeling like this, I left school early with Fiance and called the crises center. I was involuntarily committed for 96 hours.

If you can help it, don't go in on a long weekend. Go in if you need it, but 3 days without a doctor, eww. Our facilities does not count weekend and holidays as part of your 96 hours (96! Some places have 72. Its a long 4 days). So I went in Wednesday, got out Tuesday and should have stayed until Wednesday, making it a full week. It sucked. I couldn't watch TV, half the time I really disliked the show on the one TV in the rec room, the other half the time I was too ancy to sit still. I went to groups most of the time. One day they were just going to read the rules and do daily goals. I don't have daily goals, I can't practice my instrument, I can't do homework, I can't harm myself in any way (they go to great lengths to keep you safe). So I slept in. At lunch everyone who went to group got a chocolate pudding cup. I asked for one and the nurse explained it was for attending group. She gave me one anyway and said "Next time go to group." Someone else gave me theirs. I generally do what I'm suppose to and you're guilt tripping me with a pudding cup to go hear rules read and be told not to sleep all day? Really.

Anyways. I started Lithium, just 300mg which is pretty small. It made me sleep like a normal person, so unfortunately I was awake for this whole experience. The good news is, I'm awake during the day and able to get all my work done, excellent since I missed 3 days of school in a very heavy semester. I'm able to handle the day again. I feel like doing stuff instead of sitting on my bum all day. Generally I feel great! I'm glad I finally have a med that fixes the bipolar and lets me still function. I just wish I didn't have to spend a week in the hospital.

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