Okay so I know this is going to be a lot to take in.. but take it in small peices.
Okay so first off some backstory:
Hi.. You can call me Katie, im a teenager and having a lot of trouble in my home life, I have a boyfriend who threatens to kill himself a lot and my dads an alcoholic, he is a recovering addict, and he once cheated on my mom. My mom on the other hand has horrible depression and anxiety. She said I could tell her if I was ever struggling with mental health but it's going to take me awhile to tell them. The way I combat these feelings I get about my family and friends is I self harm...a lot, don't eat, stay up late, and convice myself I'm okay when I'm not. Just tonight I cut about *mod edit* times on each arm.. I'm not sure how to help myself stop it I want to..
What I'm on here for:
I want to figure out ways to stop cutting and to tell my parents about cutting, my anxiety, and my depression. I have some friends I've told and they gave me some ideas I just want to be able to stop cutting before I tell them. I feel like I am insane and should be in a mental hospital because of the thoughts that run through my mind.
Next is I'll give you some things I thought of tonight:
I thought for a long time about suicide and on why I shouldn't. I should be dead, I was a mistake. Why am I here just to get screwed over? why isn't it over. Why is anyone my friend I'm not a good friend. Why does anyone trust me. Why shouldn't I be dead. I miss my grandma I should see him (His story will be next) Why can't I tell my parents. I can't even tell my friends the whole truth.
My grandpas story:
When I was 2-3 We rushed to my grandparents house. My grandpa was about to die and he was waiting for me. When we showed up I ran inside and gave him a huge hug the help his hand kissing it once in awhile. I remember him shutting his eyes and everyone pushing me out of the way. I was really confused and he was rushed out the door (for now on this is my kid mind till the ☆ comes) He was put onto a stretcher and pushed over a green crayon colored in hill with flowers over it, over the meadow and off to the distance. ☆ I wasn't sure what my kid mind thought but thats one thing that's always been my trigger is someone saying something horrible about their grandparents because I didn't know my grandpa well but he was and always will be a huge influence on my life.
Oh my lord if you read all of that thanks haha its a lot to take in and shouldn't be digested all at one time. Thank you so much again I just kinda needed to organize my thoughts.