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TwistedCheshire
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Consumer 1
 
Posts: 35
Joined: Fri Sep 25, 2015 7:40 am
Blog: View Blog (8)
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- October 2015
Appt. With T
   Fri Oct 23, 2015 2:47 am
Had To Take A Break
   Fri Oct 16, 2015 7:13 am
Feeling Distant
   Mon Oct 12, 2015 8:37 am
Meeting with T
   Fri Oct 09, 2015 7:58 am
The Plot Twist...
   Fri Oct 02, 2015 8:53 am

+ September 2015
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Appt. With T

Permanent Linkby TwistedCheshire on Fri Oct 23, 2015 2:47 am

Okay, so had my appointment today, and needless to say, they have me down as Anxiety NOS (but T thinks GAD would be a good placement), and Bipolar I, but T thinks it should be II due to the rapid cycling.

Also noted that the Non-Combat PTSD was removed, but then again, with the above two alone, that covers quite a portion. Sadly, I have a feeling it'll be coming up again considering that we've barely even scratched the surface.

Found out that T likes to take it slow and lay the foundation work first, then start going for the gusto and seeing what is really going on underneath. This will be interesting, or boring, or a combination of the two.

I am just glad T is being honest with me. T even spoke with my partner for about 15 minutes, alone. I requested it, and T was happy to agree to such! To me, that shows understanding on what I want, and what I feel might be necessary to help figure out what is going on inside my head!

The reason why I had asked for such, is because if I am in the room, and hearing what is being said, I can almost immediately process it and act in that particular manner. About 80% of the time involuntary. This prevents me from knowing what was being said, thus giving T more information, and being able to act upon it as necessary, especially since my partner will not tell me (nor will I ask).

T still wants me on at least one anti-anxiety medication, and says that we will be working on HOPEFULLY finding out why the memory is such an issue, but said that will probably be down the road further because it's a complex thing.

Anyway, until next time!

MOOD RATING: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :)

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Had To Take A Break

Permanent Linkby TwistedCheshire on Fri Oct 16, 2015 7:13 am

So I had to take a break from reading the forum for awhile. It was causing me to have some serious trigger action. I did find ONE of the culprits to that though.

It was a strain of medical marijuana that I was utilizing. Just to make sure, I went to find information on it and to check. Sure enough, it could cause someone that is extremely prone to anxiety, panic, etc... to have that feeling intensify.

So I stopped it, and while it's still there, I know it's NOT from that now.

I honestly have no idea why coming here to the forums would be doing this. I can speculate and say that it is due to the overwhelming amount of information. It could also be fear that I might find that one click of a mental health issue and it'd be worse than I would expect. I'm honestly not sure how to go about it, but I'll have to talk with the therapist!

Oh well. For now though, at least I know to monitor that particular medication better!

Now where did I put my sandwich?

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Feeling Distant

Permanent Linkby TwistedCheshire on Mon Oct 12, 2015 8:37 am

So with the onset of Fall/Winter, of course the SAD starts kicking in. I start to feel distant from things, even more-so than my normal. Sometimes I get a bit of a burst of energy, but that usually fades quickly.

I thought about getting one of those sun lamp things, but being on a limited income, those are hard to get.

Anyway, ended up having to change up the schedule with the T to earlier in the day since it gets darker earlier, and me plus cars plus nighttime equals NOT a good mix.

Been feeling a bit anxious lately as well, but took some of my 'organic' medication. It helps a bit, but still trying to find a particular type to be better at that. In the meantime, I can keep it down to manageable levels.

Well, this has actually been hard to write. I keep getting distracted because the setting of boredom. I should probably go check on my plants anyway. They make me happy. :D

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Meeting with T

Permanent Linkby TwistedCheshire on Fri Oct 09, 2015 7:58 am

While they are my "Therapist" at this time due to a change up in the roster at the place I go to, I won't be seeing a 'psychiatrist' probably until summer. I'm okay with that overall. I did learn some interesting things about my T at this time, and it's kind of an interesting thing, yet it's also a bit disturbing to me, and I don't know why.

T stated that the only time they have seen a case of BPD or DID was when they 'shifted', and she described it as 'creepy'. Honestly, saying something like that, even though me and T do jest a bit with each other, seems a bit extreme. That almost sounds judgmental, and that one would have to be totally crazy in order to have other identities!

There has been a decision that she shall remain to help, however, until otherwise, she is to be taken as only treating other portions, such as anxiety and depression until further notice. They seem like such a nice person too, someone that can be related to, but then I also have to question how someone with ADHD.

Come to think of it, that has to be questioned. It is possible that they could be that they are able to do their job with limited impairment of such, or else why would they be in their position?

The other problem that is noted at this time, is that they want me to go on at least one anti-anxiety medication. This after it was noted that medication is something that would rather be avoided.

T at least stated that they felt 'being smart' wasn't a problem, since it was the sarcastic, but questioning type, always looking for answers.

Oh well. Until next time!

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The Plot Twist...

Permanent Linkby TwistedCheshire on Fri Oct 02, 2015 8:53 am

Okay, so as everyone who has read this dreaded blog has figured out, I'm obviously not good with words, but yet I can point out things in others writings. Funny and sad how that works out for me.

Anyway, the plot twist, and this was just recently made known to me. Mind you, I just found this out today, but apparently it had happened awhile ago, and from what I recall, I had brought it up myself a couple of times as well. I don't remember it happening.

Anyway, I was told that I had acted like a spoiled child. The things that I was told "Very standoff-ish, throwing a temper tantrum, and being indecisive" were just a few words that were tossed out there. I honestly felt mortified a bit, but I can't say that I can disagree with it.

My partner and I have been together for almost 6 years (as of March 1st, it'll be 6 years). He has always been honest with me, and yet scared and confused. I don't blame him. Even when we first started dating I didn't know anything about my mental health. The fact that he stuck around through what most can barely stand 6 months of? Yeah, that speaks loudly to me.

So, as of this moment, after what I've found out (there is more to this, and I'll probably blog about it), I have at least 6 separate fragments. I can't say this one is a full alter (a majority of mine are not full alters). I already have two co-

I am also not a huge fan of self diagnosis, however, the record that I have looked through with my time with therapists and the like, lead me to believe that one does not wish to let everything out. I'm honestly not sure why. I'm a fairly open book when it comes to things, but things like this seem to cause me to suddenly clam up, and for really no reason that I am aware of.

I am honestly hoping, at least at this point, that it's just a weird version of Bipolar, but now and days, I get scared of even saying anything to a T because often times they tend to feel judgmental to me, even though they say they're not (Let's face it, they do.)

And with this, I will leave it be.

Until next time!

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