| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/SunflowerGirl/index_sid-3aaa1449bb3627f86c6958e3812f192f.html |
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| Author: | SunflowerGirl [ Sat Mar 23, 2013 5:12 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | New Diet Plan |
So, things haven't been going well. For a long time. So I've been asking myself - what's going wrong? What have I not tried yet? Where are my problem areas? I came to the realisation that the reason I'm not sticking to the diet plan is because there are certain foods around which I cannot control myself. It's as simple as that. It doesn't matter how perfectly my plan is going, if someone offers me a slice of pizza, or some ice cream, I'm just gone. And it's not that I'll have one or two - I will eat as much as I physically can. So after discussing it with my GP I have come up with a list of 'danger foods' and a list of 'safe foods'. Danger foods I will avoid as much as possible. I would like to say I will cut them out, but I can't guarantee there will be no exceptions to that rule so instead I will 'avoid them'. Where at all possible, I will not allow them to sneak into the diet plan. I'm going to try this out for a while, and then when I meet with my dietician next, we're going to see how it's going. The reason I am going to try this is because I have gotten way too much into the habit of saying 'oh this is just an exception' e.g. around Christmas, birthdays, special occasions, parties, holidays, exam time - the list basically goes on and on until there's never a day where they are no 'exceptions'. With that in mind, here are my lists, starting from this moment. Danger Foods: Pizza Crisps/doritos/peanuts Ice cream Cheese Chocolates Hot chocolate/nutella Home baking Scones Sweet cereals/granola Cold leftovers (this is a biggie!) Mayonnaise Biscuits Sausages/chicken nuggets Other peoples' food when they offer it Safe Foods Popcorn Muesli/porridge Yoghurt Fish Salad and vegetables Fruit Brown bread Tea Fruit juice Small chocolate bars Soup Tomatoes Rice cakes Milk So as of today I am going to stop snacking on leftovers and am only going to eat food that is my own (i.e. not saying yes when people offer around their own food!!) Wish me luck! Sunflower x |
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| Author: | SunflowerGirl [ Wed Mar 20, 2013 6:17 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | So Far, So Good |
Wednesday 20th March 12.00pm So far, so good. House is empty, so tempted to go downstairs and eat something. But really, what would that achieve? Wednesday 20th March, 6.15pm Just had a really big dinner. Not a that-was-the-biggest-binge-of-my-life dinner, but an I-did-a-lot-of-exercise-today dinner. (FYI – I didn’t. I lazed around all day pretending to study.) In my defence, the dinner was really good. And it wasn’t an absurd amount. I just don’t want to psych myself out into purging. Will definitely go for a walk or run tonight if I can build up the motivation (ha!) This is the problem with being on holidays. This entry was supposed to relax me and take my mind off things. There’s very little in life that I find can do that. Music, I suppose to an extent. Socialising, although social events often are centred around food and therefore even more distressing. I’m going to study for a bit this evening; now that dinner is over maybe I’ll be able to concentrate better. |
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| Author: | SunflowerGirl [ Wed Mar 20, 2013 9:47 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Strange Morning |
Something really weird just happened. I woke up in a foul mood because my throat is so sore and I had a major pig out yesterday before dinner, which caused me to then purge my dinner. Stupid because I pigged out on sweets but the dinner was a really healthy tasty salmon and couscous. Then I let that ruin the entire rest of the day. Anyway, back to this morning; I woke up in a terrible mood, and despite my determination last night that today would be even better, I decided to just go down and binge on anything I could find. But then – and I don’t know what it was – for some reason, I just didn’t feel like it. So I drank some juice and made myself some porridge the way a normal person would. And now I don’t feel like eating anything else. So normal for the average person, but kind of weird for me. I did go through a phase, at the beginning of the year, when I ate perfectly for about a month. No binges, no purges. It felt so good. I don’t remember ever feeling so happy with myself. It kind of coincided with a fling I was having with this guy. He came into my life pretty much out of nowhere and was so sweet and sensible. I actually told him about the eating problems, and his reaction was pretty much the best I could expect. He was supportive and not judging at all. But then, as always seems to happen with me, he disappeared, saying he didn’t want anything serious and knew I would end up getting hurt if we kept it going. And it was immediately after that that I just fell back into binging. It was like someone @!@@@! a switch and I was fine and healthy and normal, and when he left they just switched it back off. Maybe this good morning is someone flicking the switch again. |
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| Author: | SunflowerGirl [ Tue Mar 19, 2013 10:25 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Back from Holiday |
Well, my trip abroad was a fiasco, to put it kindly. There was no structure to mealtimes, and I always find I eat more when people around me are eating and snacking all through the day. I think the worst thing was that because our schedule was so busy, we'd end up only going out for dinner at 9, getting our food at 10, and then we'd be expected to be ready to party in skimpy dresses by 11. I hate going out on a full stomach. I was sharing a room with three other stick-thin, gorgeous girls. You know you've got a problem when you're staring at your own friend's bodies with suck jealousy. I don't even know anymore if I am as thin as them and just can't see it, or if I really am fatter. And the idea of being fatter is just horrible. Anyway, a fresh start is what I had planned for today. Had a good breakfast when I woke up (baby steps, right?) I now have to get a move on unpacking, sorting out my disaster of a bedroom, and (god forbid) studying for the exams I have coming up. Exam time is always the worst time for me. Sitting stationary at my computer for extended periods of time, frankly is just asking for trouble. I have to stop making excuses. I have to stop. It makes relapse far too easy. I mean, other people can manage, right? Saying 'oh, I have exams', or 'it's easter/christmas/birthday/holiday time/basically any other thing I can think of...it's just yet another way of lying to myself. And the thing is, my counsellor and dietician usually agree with me, saying things like, 'don't expect it to be easy over the next few weeks because of (whatever)'. I know they're trying to make me feel better about any mistakes but honestly, that really doesn't help me. Ok I'm going to start tidying my room. And will really try to stay out of the kitchen today. Sunflower x |
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| Author: | SunflowerGirl [ Thu Mar 14, 2013 1:06 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Not a good start |
Thursday 14th March, 1pm So it's been five hours since my golden resolution and already I've failed worse than even I expected. I was left alone in the house unexpectedly, and was confident that I'd be fine. The diet plan I'm supposed to be on has quite strict timings of when I am supposed to eat. But for some reason I thought I could just eat everything on the plan in one go because, well, I felt like it. I've been curious lately as to find out why precisely it is that, even though it makes me miserable in the long term, it makes my mouth sore, it puts me in a foul mood, it cause me to stay alone in the house rather than spending time with friends, despite all these things I still binge/purge on anything I can find. And the answer truthfully, has come to me this morning. It's just a habit. I sit and watch episodes of whatever series I'm watching on the computer, and if I'm not eating it feels wrong. When I'm studying if I don't have something to chew on it feels weird. And when I go to the bathroom if I don't purge it feels strange. It's an emotional thing yes on some level, I'm sure...boredom always contributes. But more than that its the physical need to be either eating or vomiting. Right now, having just purged, I still feel like urge to be drinking or eating something. I'm about to make myself some comfort tea. Why do I always feel this need to be eating? It used to be that water or gum could do the trick but now it's gone too far. Even when I'm out with friends I spent a good majority of the time thinking about where and when we're getting food, what I'll have and even sneaky ways I can eat more without them noticing. I've even changed plans based around the possibility of using the bathroom afterwards. This morning I was asked to do one thing - walk the dog. And I failed to do that because I was too busy preparing food for my binge. And I was so determined this morning! Guess it's gonna take more than just determination. Guess I always knew that though. I've just go to break this habit. Wish me luck for the next post! SunflowerGirl x |
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