Plans for the weekend, go watch a film.
Work was good, routine is good. Not been paid and I'm pretty sure it was supposed to be this week as I put it on the calendar, must phone relevant people Monday.
There's alot of office politics even though am not in an office. They seem to live under constant threat and pressure from one administration person. The boss is always threatening the place won't survive. I'm ignoring it all. I don't think it's a good work condition to live under so I'm seeing it as, people loose jobs every day and what will be will be. The crazy admin lady I pretend I don't know who she is every time she calls to harass our admin lady and say whatever I want now because the woman is rude and horrible. Our admin lady is lovely. I told her to ignore the other woman and she started to stand up for herself which was nice to see.
I'm learning loads. If I move job it will be much easier because I've learnt so much. But i do love it there - in our place, wouldn't want to be where that horrible admin lady is.
Getting used to home life with this 9-5 routine. Because I've always worked for myself it's an adaption. Not being paid when I think I'm supposed to, that's what they said, is the only real annoyance to me.
Wanted a lay in but used to getting up early on Saturday so not happened although I might try to go back to sleep for a bit.]]>
So today was hard. Letting wake up and time to different aspects all in one day.
Not feeling comfortable in self at moment due to having to strictly monitor self due to my new routine.
Although the park helped and watching a cartoon and making Yorkshire pudding.
Couldn't even fully relax today due to outside discord.
Suppression of parts for safety is pretty disruptive to me. Need to avoid becoming what I call "actually ill" which involves derealisation, depersonalisation and sometimes dissociative fugue. Derealisation can last longest and is most dangerous.
Anyway I need to avoid all that.
Get through this week and fingers crossed have a much better weekend next weekend although I think that's unlikely due to outside person.
I'll need a plan for that probably but I'm too tired to tgink of one now.
Anything important to remember or note? (I'm using this like a note pad)... Not really except for as usual you seem to find yourself in a very constricting relationship and you're not doing anything to get out of it even though you know full well he'll always be how he is and he's been using you for months but you know this. And you also know he'll most likely read this because he's a jealous control freak. And that'll cause you more problems. Not really sure what you're doing it for.
Does anyone know? - Somehow stabilising by constantly triggering - so basically we're rhesus monkeys.
Relationship is our last hurdle. Get over the current hurdle and then tackle it - now that makes some sense.]]>