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unconnected

Permanent Linkby SamsLand on Mon Nov 28, 2011 5:24 am

i've learned something pretty awful about myself. I am incapable of forgiveness. Absolutely and utterly incapable, which is sad because I'm really good at mistake-making. I can get past something, let it go, do all of those superficial "moving on" things that help life run smoothly. On the surface, I am actually told I let things go too easily and forgive too readily. But I am talking about true forgiveness. Forgiveness where there is a real connection involved.Forgiveness where you can let an attachment injury go and re-attach, or re-connect, or connect again and truly move on and be vulnerable again. This, I cannot do. Attachment injury happens and I cannot connect again. I can interact, I can function, but I an not capable of connection. I cannot be vulnerable. Attachment injuries destroy me. And they destroy my relationships permanently. Consequently I feel there is no longer any point in building intimate relationships in the first place. Either I'll take a lot of $#%^ to avoid an attachment injury or the inevitable will bring it all crumbling down.

"everyone is worthy of connection" she preaches. But you are only worthy of reaping the rewards of what you are able to do. I have limited ability to connect in the first place, and should that connection be injured, it is gone. I am not able therefore I am not worthy. Connection is two-way. Connect. associate. link. To connect you need at least two connectable things. I will remain unconnected.

sam

keep ya head up, Don't let up, keep slayin em
-eminem

not sure what the point was.
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