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I'm a broken ceramic pot.

Permanent Linkby SamsLand on Sun Oct 09, 2011 6:35 pm

Today I feel like, you guessed it, a broken ceramic pot. You know the kind. Once lovely, shiny and new. Not too pretty or anything, plain, useful and strong. But I've been bumped a few times, knocked, even dropped a handful of times. But I've always held it together. Because I always knew of the potential. One can never know what my come before them, but whatever it is has the possibility of being amazing. We've held bouquets, that are beautiful, and short-lived. We've potted orchids, which are lovely, and while finicky, are probably the best companions. We've housed amaryllis bulbs who deceivingly emerge with nearly all of the beauty one can imagine. And we've embraced Daisies, our favourite, whose fresh scent and livelihood reminds us of spring and all the possibilities of the growing season. And between plants we've held spare objects that are require keeping, or dried seeds to be used later. Despite the bumps, cracks and chips, I've enjoyed my time, embraced the beauty around me with purpose.

But now I feel like I have been dropped and I've broken into thousands of pieces. I keep trying to glue them back together, trying to recreate me. How I want my pot back, my sense of being whole, my sense of purpose. But I cannot get the pieces to fit in the right places. The shapes don't make sense. The pieces are sharp and can cut. I'm frustrated because this used to be easy and now it is so complicated. I've tried to make a bunch of little pots but that is not working. I've tried to force pieces where they don't belong, and surprisingly they don't fit where I want them to. And my tears are ruining the view, all of the pieces look the same. Nothing is as it was and it will never be the same.

I'm trying to find the courage to be a mosaic. To put the pieces together again, not to be a pot but something else with purpose. Something undefined. Something that may go against the convention of society but has an equal place within it. There is a tiny seed of change that was in the pot when it fell, and that seed is now part of me too. I will try to nurture that seed, embrace that seed, house it, hold it and give it a home. Turns out I am probably not a pot, while I enjoyed and and was good at it, it wasn't all of me. I was hiding most of me, inside. Those pieces are me, and I will not feel whole with all of my pieces until I accept each and every one of them as part of me. My goal is to work on this mosaic, to put the pieces in their own place, where each belongs and feels right. I need to use acceptance as grout to hold us together. For right now I am a pile of broken ceramic, but one day I hope to be a mosaic.

Sam
Last edited by SamsLand on Tue Oct 25, 2011 10:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

keep ya head up, Don't let up, keep slayin em
-eminem

not sure what the point was.
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Re: I'm a broken ceramic pot.

Permanent Linkby Unimportant on Sat Oct 22, 2011 8:37 pm

Oh, this is a really great metaphor! Very moving. When reading this, and seeing no one commented yet and it has only 30 views, I feel really bad! Since it is such a great text! You describe yourself wonderfully. Have you written texts like diary entries before? it seems like you're experienced.
Nothing. Just....an ugly waste of space...
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Re: I'm a broken ceramic pot.

Permanent Linkby SamsLand on Tue Oct 25, 2011 1:58 am

Hi Unimportant,

Thanks for your comments. No I do not write diaries or blogs or anything. In fact I shy away from it. But I think I am "trying this out" for a few reasons. It is an exercise in ownership of my feelings. I tend to not validate, or own up to how I feel and maybe putting it out there will help. The other thing is that I don't devote any brain power to remembering feelings. So often I forget completely if I had any feelings regarding a certain event or situation. So I guess I am trying to capture that a little. I try to use the word "feel" and describe how I feel but I find metaphors or problems and conundrums easier to relate to when I read back what I wrote. I'm not sure if that makes sense but if I read back actual descriptions of feelings I cannot relate, I have no self-empathy (which is odd because I am a highly empathetic person).

So don't feel bad, I am not writing this for views/comments. I need to work on expressing myself, and doing so anonymously is helpful. Thanks for reading though.

Cheers,
Sam
keep ya head up, Don't let up, keep slayin em
-eminem

not sure what the point was.
SamsLand
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