Unfortunately, the daily reporting didn't work out as planned. Between IOP, meetings, getting my brain magnetized, and placating my parents, getting to the computer hasn't been as easy as I'd like.
So far, so good. It's only the end of the first week and I feel lighter, if that makes any sense. I have to admit, it's a bit of a painful process, but it's manageable. Honestly, this painful head pecking is the best part of my day--it's all downhill from there. I have to find a way to post a picture of the crazy machine they use--it's called Neurostar Technology. The doctor I found was one of the first in Chicago to perform this type of treatment (which IS FDA APPROVED, by the way.) He's a sweet man, especially in comparison to how some psychiatrists can be. Since it's the end of week one, they had me fill out the Beck Depression Inventory again. Some of my symptoms (hopelessness, guilt, worthlessness) are still pretty severe. Others, however, (eating and sleeping hygiene, irritability) have gone down a bit. I don't want to die, I don't want to cut, and I don't want to injure anyone else. I just want to get better. I think that's why I can tolerate the noise and head pecking. There are two types of pain in the world: healing pain--the kind of pain that makes you stronger, and harming pain. This one is the former, and it's slowly starting to clear my dusty, mixed-up thoughts. I just hope that by the end of all this that I'm in the 60% that get better. More on Monday.
