I have spent this weekend making all kinds of chutney to give to a few people as christmas presents ... I've really enjoyed doing it but i tasted the jam i made a few weeks ago and its not nice just tastes like sugar ewwwww
so may scrap giving that to people as they will think i'm trying to kill them lol 
Haven't written on here for ages my head has been abit of a shed lately and found working out how i feel really tricky. My brother got married last week and it was a lovely day really enjoyed it, although i found by monday night i was really triggered and ended up making some very unwise choices. My level of SH at the moment is pretty controlled i think but i am worried it is starting to escalate it was only a few times a week but the last week i've not managed to go more than 2 days without cutting again. I spend all my time trying to keep myself busy and as a result i am exhausted. My sleep is not good and when i woke up last night i was convinced the man i used to see was under my futon and it took me a while to convince myself that he wasn't
Have been thinking alot about my return to work which is due at the beginning of jan. I'm trying to figure out if i am ready to or not, i have lots of reservations about going back but at the same time i am desperate to be back as it makes me feel so much more worthwhile and it gives me some identity. Also hoping that i will be starting my therapy in jan but won't find out for definate until friday what the plan with that is. I also have occupation health assessment on tuesday aft.
Hope your all well