var title = 'Psychology and Mental Health Forum Psychology Feed';
		var url = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/random_blogs_c-3.html';
		var site_url = 'https://www.psychforums.com';
		var site_desc = 'Psychology and Mental Health Forum';
		var time = 'Mon, 01 Sep 2025 18:13:41 -0400';

		var data = new Array();
		

		data[0] = new Array();
		data[0]['title'] = 'My Best Friends Step dad harasses me and him';
		data[0]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/my_best_friends_step_dad_harasses_me_and_him_c-3_u-311565_b-9238.html';
		data[0]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/my_best_friends_step_dad_harasses_me_and_him_c-3_u-311565_b-9238.html';
		data[0]['username'] = '339737';
		data[0]['blog_id'] = '9238';
		data[0]['blog_message'] = 'This all started about a year and a half ago. I was spending the night at my best friends house for the first time and i got a little warm so i was changing into a tank top and while i had my shirt off his step dad came into the room. i saw him give me a strange glare and walk away. i hadn't thought anything of it for about seven months. Then after noticing that we weren't hanging at his house at all anymore i started wondering. so one day after school i went over to his house. his mom let me in and we talked until he got home. Throughout the this whole time his step dad has blocked my number on their home phone, tried convincing the homeowners community not to allow me to walk on his street, he's banned me from his property, and his son can no longer come over to my house at all anymore. Ive overheard his dad call me a few very unflattering names. and his mom has called my parents a complete waste of time. I'm wondering what options i have either to file a suit against him or how i can get him to understand what he has done over the years.';
		data[0]['blog_time'] = 'Fri, 13 Nov 2015 21:58:13 -0500';
		

		data[1] = new Array();
		data[1]['title'] = 'Cutting away the ugly part of me...';
		data[1]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/cutting_away_the_ugly_part_of_me..._c-3_u-87678_b-4008.html';
		data[1]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/cutting_away_the_ugly_part_of_me..._c-3_u-87678_b-4008.html';
		data[1]['username'] = 'cfit60';
		data[1]['blog_id'] = '4008';
		data[1]['blog_message'] = 'Hello, I&#039;m a cutter...<br /><br />Why do I cut?  What turned me into a self hater who scars his body and often wants to die?<br /><br />I&#039;m a 44 year old man who has seen his world fall apart two years ago.  I was seriously injured on the job to the point of full disability.  I can no longer do the job I lived to do, which was Police work.  Add to that the fact that I suffer horrific pain everyday due to my back injury.  I have crushed a total of 9 discs in my upper, middle and lower back and have to use a cane to walk.<br /><br />Not only do I have permanent nerve damage, but as a result I lost function of my bladder and need to urinate with a catheter and a leg bag.  I have had several surgeries to include a two level cervical fusion, an interstim implant for my bladder and a Morphine drug pump implant. Despite these surgeries, the Morphine pump and oral pain meds I am still in a great deal of pain all day and night; awake and sleeping.  I still have a few more surgeries I must endure in the next year. This physical pain alone is one reason why I cut myself. <br /><br />Since I don&#039;t have any control of the constant pain related to my back injury I at least have control over the pain I endure when I cut myself.  I don&#039;t scratch myself...when I cut I cut deep and I have scars over 70% of my body.  I often cut out of anger or frustration, because I lost my passion for life when I lost my career as a Police Officer.  It&#039;s extremely difficult to go from being physically able to chase bad guys, make arrests and help others to someone who can barely walk and is in constant pain.  <br /><br />Over the past two years I have gone from a mentally confident and competent person to a mental basket case.  Now I must say that prior to my career ending injury I suffered from PTSD and bouts of depression related to my Police experiences while employed by NYPD during 9-11 and survivor&#039;s guilt.  Also, growing up I would from time to time cut myself. Oh yeah and when I was 13 years old I slit my wrist and OD on medication in an attempt to end my life.  It was really tough covering up the huge ass scar on my wrist, especially while applying for work as a Police Officer.  I don&#039;t regret the scar, I regret the fact that I lived.  Looking back I guess there have been many times where I was in harms way and could of, should have died, but didn&#039;t.  This happened more often of course during my Ten years of Police work.  Looking back now I can honestly say that I wanted to be a Police Officer so I could die. Had you asked me while I was still working as a Police Officer I would have said it was so I could help people and save lives.<br /><br />Anyways, I now suffer from a whole host of mental disorders, such as Major Depressive Disorder, BiPolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD and a couple of other disorders that escape me at this time.  I&#039;m taking a handful of medication daily in the hopes of controlling my mental and physical pain.<br /><br />It&#039;s not working, I can&#039;t sleep and the urges to cut keep getting stronger.  I also envision me cutting my own throat with a knife. I can be sitting on the couch watching a TV show and out of no where I see it...I see the knife in my hand held to my throat.  I wonder, is this how I am supposed to die?  I always hoped it would be via lead poison ( aka a bullet).  No matter, I keep cutting and my wife sees the cuts and scars and naturally freaks out.  I&#039;m putting her through hell and that just adds to my anxiety and frustration that often boils over and results in even more cutting!  I wish I could post pictures so you can see my scars and know that this is for real.  I&#039;m living a nightmare and I&#039;m ashamed of myself for being so weak. Two years ago I was a decent role model for other Officers and the community I lived to protect and serve.  Now...now I am suicidal and spend most of my time at home, in pain and alone.  <br /><br />The urges are becoming too great and I&#039;m fast losing any control. My cuts are becoming deeper and deeper.  How can I cut out the ugly side of me when...<br /> <br /> <a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/cutting_away_the_ugly_part_of_me..._c-3_u-87678_b-4008.html" class="postlink-local">[ Continued ]</a>';
		data[1]['blog_time'] = 'Tue, 15 Jan 2013 22:33:57 -0500';
		

		data[2] = new Array();
		data[2]['title'] = 'My first entry, thank you whoever reads this';
		data[2]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/my_first_entry_thank_you_whoever_reads_this_c-3_u-275674_b-7954.html';
		data[2]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/my_first_entry_thank_you_whoever_reads_this_c-3_u-275674_b-7954.html';
		data[2]['username'] = 'Joshykinsx';
		data[2]['blog_id'] = '7954';
		data[2]['blog_message'] = 'Hello dear reader, I&#039;ve recently discovered my disorders and wrote something a while ago in a blog. Sorry if it&#039;s too long but I can&#039;t really divide it into part, you may find it very boring but I want to thank you to whoever read the whole thing or even just looked at!<br /><br />Introduction, burning iceberg/frozen flame<br />I’m not very good at writing; in fact I suck pretty much at everything.<br /><br />I think of myself as a walking bag of issues. I’m a highly sensitive person, I have borderline personality disorder, social anxiety, I have little bit of OCD and ADD and I often think that I’m bipolar.<br /><br />I understand that everybody goes through some kind of stress in their lives and that other people might have bigger problems than me…honestly I don’t give a ###$, ###$ those people! ###$ people who judge ( I do that sometimes too but then I get punished at night by my over thinking habit), ###$ people who pretend to be nice, ###$ overconfident people, ###$ people who are shy, ###$ people that like politics, ###$ people that are into religion now that I think of it, ###$ everybody! Myself included!!<br /><br />I’m sorry I didn’t meant to offend anyone (maybe I did), so I have extreme mood swings(as you’ve already noticed), sometimes I wanna meet people but most of the times I hate people. It’s probably because of my social anxiety, every time I’m in public I feel like everybody’s staring at me, I always thought it was some teenage stuff and that it would eventually subside but it never truly did, in fact sometimes I feel like it’s gotten worse. Each pair of eyes feels like a burn and I start sweating and panicking and I keep telling myself “oh god why are people staring at me? Is it because I’m overweight? (at a time I was but even after I lost weight I felt the same way) is my hair messed up?” Sometimes I do feel ok when I’m in public, most of the time it’s when I’m drunk or in an extremely good mood, unfortunately both don’t last very long and don’t happen very often and sometimes are mutually exclusive.<br /><br />I feel like I’m the ugliest person in the world, the most weird too but at the same time I realize that I’m just an ordinary guy, nothing special at all. Other times I label myself very special because I’m pathetic and I want that pity but there’s just no one in my world that would ######6 understand me so I only have myself, which is just not enough but sometimes can be overwhelming. My biggest fear and my biggest enemy are both- myself. I tend to over think stuff, stuff that other healthy normal people don’t even care about, don’t notice. I like to analyze my day right before going to sleep, every ######6 time. Every time before going to sleep my brain’s like “Oh you wanna rest? ###$ that! Let’s go through all the ###$ up $#%^ that happened today. The mean stuff people said to you or you said to them.  The stupid awkward situations you put yourself or others to, about how it’s gonna haunt you for a couple of years until you do something more ###$ up, which is gonna happen pretty soon by the way.<br /><br />I always feel lonely and sometimes I just wish I had a girlfriend, actually every guy wants that…but then I remember what it’s like for me to be in a relationship with someone. It’s ######6 hell, both for me and for the unluckiest girl in the world who agreed to be in a relationship with me. Whenever I’m in a relationship (which is SUPER rare now) I tend to idealize (or even idolize) my partner and I cling very tightly to that person. Thinking she can understand me, support me and just always be there (which is literally ALWAYS) and of course eventually I get disappointed, always. Because I’m a selfish bastard, the very kind of people that I hate. It is part of the curse of having the borderline personality disorder, no one will ever be good enough for you and you’re never gonna be good enough for anyone as well. When people I’m really attached to stop messaging me or talking to me for whatever reasons (busy, not in the mood) I instantly take it the wrong wa...<br /> <br /> <a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/my_first_entry_thank_you_whoever_reads_this_c-3_u-275674_b-7954.html" class="postlink-local">[ Continued ]</a>';
		data[2]['blog_time'] = 'Wed, 28 Jan 2015 02:43:02 -0500';
		

		data[3] = new Array();
		data[3]['title'] = 'Is this Hocd anymore?';
		data[3]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/is_this_hocd_anymore%CA%94_c-3_u-466025_b-12760.html';
		data[3]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/is_this_hocd_anymore%CA%94_c-3_u-466025_b-12760.html';
		data[3]['username'] = 'Hi12123';
		data[3]['blog_id'] = '12760';
		data[3]['blog_message'] = 'Sorry this is very long but please read this because i need help...<br />Hi, I am a 16 year old girl and have been struggling with hocd for about 2 years. It all started in 7th grade when I had an intense crush on a boy. Whenever I was around him I had butterflies and I actually wanted to marry him. He liked me too but he soon developed a crush on another girl and I wasn&#039;t even jealous because I didn&#039;t like him as much anymore. One night I was at a sleepover with my friend and I was laying on the couch when a thought popped into my head, &quot;you don&#039;t like **** anymore, are you gay?&quot; After that one thought, it has changed my life. ( I am not homophobic but I was always kinda uncomfortable around gay people at that age. But now I am not at homophobic or uncomfortable around gay people anymore)<br /><br />A couple weeks later, I was seeking reassurance on being lesbian and stumbled across the term hold. I had all of the symptoms and felt better. But, the worrying didn&#039;t stop. In 7th grade I was only scared about &quot;becoming&quot; gay, I knew i wasn&#039;t but I was just scared i was &quot;changing&quot; into being gay. I went to my school guidance counselor and she told me that it was ok if I was gay and should learn to accept it, this heightened my worrying because I couldn&#039;t handle the fact of being gay. There were times where I was not worrying and then times where I was. After a while of being worried I didn&#039;t worry about it at all. I had some thoughts here and there but ignored them. It was the start of 8th grade (the grade I am in now) and I didn&#039;t worry about it. Then it was triggered again, (I forgot how). Soon my mind made me think I had crushes on every single one of my friends (who were girls). My mind said &quot;If you aren&#039;t attracted to him, you&#039;re gay.&quot; It also started to change my past and say &quot;you like her&quot; even when I felt nothing for her when I was with her. Recently, I had a small panic attack at a restaurant where i couldn&#039;t eat any single thing (not even a small piece of rice) because I was worrying so much. My mind kept screaming &quot;your bi!...&quot; That night at the restaurant I planned to come out to my mom (my mom knows about my hocd) but the problem was that I didn&#039;t like any girls. I would also look at my friends (who were girls) and become jealous of them because they do not have to go what I go through. I would say in my head, &quot;they are so lucky that they are straight. They are going to have the best relationship&quot; <br /><br />I then began to dig into my past (i still am) and there are some things that I have done as a child that i can use as proof that I am gay. Keep in mind that I have never been attracted to anyone of the same sex besides false attractions (which is not even real attraction). My mind would also say &quot;All the girls think your older brother is cute, but you don&#039;t. This means your gay.&quot; And now that I am writing that, what on Earth was I thinking, am i stupid? Lol. I would also have false attractions for people on TV shows and have dreams and wake up feeling aroused and feeling that I liked it. I know that arousal doesn&#039;t mean your gay so it doesn&#039;t worry me at all.<br /><br />I know that I like boys but I am just scared that I like girls to. I always wanted to have a boyfriend but now I do not as much. My mind is now saying &quot;being with a girl isn&#039;t so bad.&quot; &quot;it will be fun to be in a relationship with a girl&quot; I have never dreamed about girls the way I have dreamed about boys and the only relationship I want with girls is friendship. But as i am writing this my mind is saying, &quot;you wouldn&#039;t mind it, it would be fun!&quot; Whenever I go out, it is just natural for me to want to impress a guy. I have never wanted to dress to impress a girl. I cant picture my future with a girl because its just not me. I also don&#039;t think it is necessary to come out because deep down I know i&#039;m not.<br />I used to have bad intrusive thoughts, but now those thoughts aren&#039;t even...<br /> <br /> <a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/is_this_hocd_anymore%CA%94_c-3_u-466025_b-12760.html" class="postlink-local">[ Continued ]</a>';
		data[3]['blog_time'] = 'Sat, 27 Apr 2019 03:06:40 -0400';
		

		data[4] = new Array();
		data[4]['title'] = 'Old self harm scars, military, psychology-- question.';
		data[4]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/old_self_harm_scars_military_psychology_question._c-3_u-259312_b-6926.html';
		data[4]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/old_self_harm_scars_military_psychology_question._c-3_u-259312_b-6926.html';
		data[4]['username'] = 'AriMcGuire';
		data[4]['blog_id'] = '6926';
		data[4]['blog_message'] = 'Hi! <br /><br />Well I&#039;m 24 years old, my scars are a decade old, literally. When I was younger, I grew up in a war called &quot;home&quot; and I suppressed my emotions, I always had a smile on, was always making others laugh, pretending pain was not reality. It was reality alright, I broke at the tender age of 14, but I never wanted to die. I had harmed myself in order to understand the feelings others would get from cutting, but I could never seem to find the pleasure through it, it hurt! I did this a few times until I said &quot;enough is enough there must be another way!&quot;-- And truthfully the only way was simply getting my life together, it all starts from within. I learned to deal with pain on my own, no help. I&#039;ve been through a lot and have made plenty of mistakes, but I believe and KNOW my past does NOT define the strong woman I am today. <br /><br />I&#039;ve always wanted to serve my country, I&#039;ve been a protector since a child, the fuel to the fire actually started at home protecting my mother and sister from my father, then I proceeded behind the doors of my homes, such as protecting ones from bullies. I want to enlist with the Air Force in a year, do a bit more college before hand, and I want to major in psychology. I&#039;d love to help anyone in general, from my personal experiences I have helped many, and I will not stop being there for others, guiding them, showing them there is a way. I feel there&#039;s too many people that go into professions that give service onto others simply for the money, instead of doing it because it comes from the heart, because they genuinely care, and want to help. <br /><br />I&#039;ve seen positive and negative thoughts over my past and how it can disqualify me, I will still try my best and give it my all, but what is your thoughts on this? And even if I do get disqualified, I&#039;m gonna continue my studies towards becoming a psychologist. I can still become one, right? It would be a shame to know all years I&#039;d put into something I love I&#039;d be denied from because of my past mistakes. <br /><br />Thank you!';
		data[4]['blog_time'] = 'Wed, 14 May 2014 22:51:20 -0400';