document.write('<div style="border: 1px solid #C5D7EF;"><h2 style="margin: 0px; padding: 2px; color: #3366CC; font-family: arial,sans-serif; font-size: 1.1em; font-weight: normal; background-color: #E5ECF9; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/random_blogs_c-3.html">Psychology and Mental Health Forum Psychology Feed</a></h2>');
		
		document.write('<div style="font-size: 1.1em; margin-bottom: 5px;"><a href="javascript:void(0)" onclick="if(document.getElementById(\'b_5767\').style.display == \'none\'){document.getElementById(\'b_5767\').style.display=\'block\';}else{document.getElementById(\'b_5767\').style.display=\'none\';}if(this.style.background.search(\'https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif\') != -1){this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}else{this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}" onmouseover="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 0px\';" style="margin: 5px 3px 0 3px; float: left; background-image: url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif); background-position: 0px, 0px; width: 12px; height: 12px;" /><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/i_don%CA%B9t_know_what_to_do_anymore._c-3_u-248158_b-5767.html">I don't know what to do anymore.</a></div><div id="b_5767" style="display: none; padding: 5px 5px 2px 15px; font-size: 0.9em; border-bottom: 1px dotted #DDDDDD;">So for my first post, Im just going to do this as a journal I guess. I don&#039;t know.<br /><br />So basically, Im a teen. Please don&#039;t even ATTEMPT to judge me because I&#039;ve been through so much already and I am going to lose it.<br /><br />I feel so sad, hopeless, and SO angry all the time and I don&#039;t get why certain things happen to me. I mean, I was never a bad person. I don&#039;t know why I deserve all this at such a young age and I&#039;m so depressed and It&#039;s so UNFAIR.<br /><br />I hate me, I hate everyone, I hate the world. I hate everything. I never wanted to feel this way. I never EVER did. And now I do, and everything freaking sucks.<br /><br />My family thinks I&#039;m emo and my friends think I&#039;m outgoing and happy and I&#039;m going to lose it. I can&#039;t be who I really am because I&#039;m so afraid of being judged and I hate it so much.<br /><br />I spend most of the time in the bathroom breaking down to the point where I have to cover my mouth to make myself quiet. <br /><br />I&#039;m a TEEN.<br /><br />I never wanted to be like this AT ALL. I wanted to worry about my looks, my studies, and pop stars such as One Direction or Justin Bieber or something but NO. Life will not permit it and IT&#039;S UNFAIR.<br /><br />I want to be normal and so many bad experiences happened to me at such a young age and I&#039;m trying my best to BE happy but I can&#039;t and I don&#039;t know why.<br /><br />Instead of being HAPPY I&#039;m depressed, hopeless, angry and I HATE IT SO MUCH.<br /><br />I don&#039;t know what to do. I don&#039;t see any future of mine. I want to die but I don&#039;t and I really don&#039;t know what to do anymore and I&#039;m sick of it!<br /><br />I want to have dreams and I want to have crushes but I don&#039;t and as I said so many times,<br /><br />IT&#039;S SO FREAKING UNFAIR.<br /><br />I&#039;m too young and all these experiences and troubles in family, friends, school, and life is just piling and piling. <br /><br />I thought that maybe, this was a phase or something but I&#039;ve always been this way ever since I was young and I&#039;ve only realized it this year.<br /><br />I&#039;ve always been quiet and emo. Even in school, but I changed myself because there were people who teased me so, in a snap, after one summer, wow, I was happy on the outside. People used to say that I was really quiet and I always looked like I was mad and I just realized that I was just really sad. And now that developed into depression. I know you think I&#039;m lying since I&#039;m too young but we&#039;re all different here and we go through different things and I just had to go through many things at a young age.<br /><br />I&#039;m really tired. I really am. I tried everything. I even self harm. I have scars from razors and my parents think it&#039;s something I got from my dad called Keloid wherein you just get tiny scratches and they turn to look like scars and I agreed so they won&#039;t be suspicious. But after awhile, they did of course, so I started to cut elsewhere other than my wrist. <br /><br />Anyways, other than that rather disturbing paragraph, I just want help.<br /><br />I don&#039;t want to be some depressed teenager with anxiety. I hate always being jumpy, nervous and I want to be NORMAL.<br /><br />So. If anyone reads this. Please help me before this gets worse. I&#039;m really tired of feeling this way and I don&#039;t think I can hold my sadness and anger in any longer. I just want to scream at the world that I&#039;m upset and lost and to help me but I can&#039;t. I have no one to talk to. No one I trust.<br /><br />But I know there are people out there who will understand and that&#039;s why I am here now. I don&#039;t like thinking of suicide or anything. I really don&#039;t. And I want it to stop. So if anyone can PLEASE help me, just... HELP ME. <br /><br />Please, I&#039;m begging you. I&#039;m so desperate and I just really need someone to be there for me right now.</div>');
		
		document.write('<div style="font-size: 1.1em; margin-bottom: 5px;"><a href="javascript:void(0)" onclick="if(document.getElementById(\'b_11693\').style.display == \'none\'){document.getElementById(\'b_11693\').style.display=\'block\';}else{document.getElementById(\'b_11693\').style.display=\'none\';}if(this.style.background.search(\'https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif\') != -1){this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}else{this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}" onmouseover="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 0px\';" style="margin: 5px 3px 0 3px; float: left; background-image: url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif); background-position: 0px, 0px; width: 12px; height: 12px;" /><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/i%CA%B9m_in_lovelike_with_someone_with_aspd_c-3_u-440784_b-11693.html">I'm in love/like with someone with ASPD</a></div><div id="b_11693" style="display: none; padding: 5px 5px 2px 15px; font-size: 0.9em; border-bottom: 1px dotted #DDDDDD;">you see, I&#039;ve liked him for some time now but never went for it cause I used to think he was weird. (attractive though) but for the past few months him and I have been really talking. &amp; he told me he has ASPD which I&#039;ve now been researching a lot because I genuinely care for him and want to make sure he&#039;s like you know, okay? <br />I can&#039;t tell if he likes me or not or if we&#039;re going anywhere though? I&#039;ve expressed to him many times how I like him and he thinks its odd/weird? is that bad? He let me take his V-Card but then afterwards said it felt like it didn&#039;t even happen because he doesn&#039;t really have &quot;emotions&quot;. I&#039;m so confused, he says he likes being with me and cuddling with me and he wants to see me like every chance he can &amp; he blows up my phone when he gets on break/wakes up before I do or if I&#039;m not messaging back. he&#039;s not mean or rude, he&#039;s not addicted to drugs. the only thing about him is he acts sort of emotionless like he doesn&#039;t like expressing his feelings/getting emotional? and he doesn&#039;t like kissing either which is weird cause most guys his age (19) do you know?<br />I really am so confused and I think I&#039;m falling in love with him, he&#039;s the first guy I&#039;ve liked since my last relationship which was a year &amp; took a lot of healing time so I&#039;m afraid.. should I keep going and see where it goes without getting my hopes up? or does it sound like I should just give up..? (I rather not) but I&#039;d like to hear opinions from others with ASPD and your feelings about love.. have you ever been in love or felt strongly about someone?</div>');
		
		document.write('<div style="font-size: 1.1em; margin-bottom: 5px;"><a href="javascript:void(0)" onclick="if(document.getElementById(\'b_8262\').style.display == \'none\'){document.getElementById(\'b_8262\').style.display=\'block\';}else{document.getElementById(\'b_8262\').style.display=\'none\';}if(this.style.background.search(\'https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif\') != -1){this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}else{this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}" onmouseover="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 0px\';" style="margin: 5px 3px 0 3px; float: left; background-image: url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif); background-position: 0px, 0px; width: 12px; height: 12px;" /><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/ei_hav_a_characted_in_my_head_and_he_won%CA%B9t_leave_me_alone._c-3_u-282940_b-8262.html">eI hav a characted in my head, and he won't leave me alone.</a></div><div id="b_8262" style="display: none; padding: 5px 5px 2px 15px; font-size: 0.9em; border-bottom: 1px dotted #DDDDDD;">I am a 19 year old girl and I have this male character about my age in my head, he has a name and characteristics and personality and everything already thought out for him. He&#039;s not alone, he has a bunch of friends...also in my head. I switch mainly between him and me, his friends are all just there for some reason. <br /><br />When I was in middle school I was bullied and alone so I started &quot;creating friends&quot; to entertain me during lunches...now, everytime I find myself feeling lonely, they&#039;re automatically there. Sometimes they&#039;re there when I&#039;m hanging out with other (real) people but that doesn&#039;t happen too often. <br /><br />I started out thinking I have DID but now I&#039;m confused, I can tell him to leave and he will but then he comes back again. It&#039;s mostly him talking to me and giving me advice and helping me but sometimes I actually become him and I end up just sitting on my sofa, staring at the wall, or walking around my room living in this imaginary world in my head. Sometimes I end up making faces or using body language without realizing that I am. Sometimes when something happens to me (when I am him) that saddens &quot;him&quot;, I physically cry. Or I can feel pain (I don&#039;t know how to explain that). <br /><br />I often find myself isolating myself from friends and family just to be him in that world.<br /><br />I&#039;m just wondering if anyone else experiences this? What is this? I can&#039;t seem to put a word on it. Also, I have no idea why I&#039;m suddenly identifying with a male...<br /><br />I haven&#039;t seen any posts similar to this so if someone experiences this I would be really glad if they could share cause I am so confused all the time.<br /><br /><br /><br />- Penny</div>');
		
		document.write('<div style="font-size: 1.1em; margin-bottom: 5px;"><a href="javascript:void(0)" onclick="if(document.getElementById(\'b_12169\').style.display == \'none\'){document.getElementById(\'b_12169\').style.display=\'block\';}else{document.getElementById(\'b_12169\').style.display=\'none\';}if(this.style.background.search(\'https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif\') != -1){this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}else{this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}" onmouseover="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 0px\';" style="margin: 5px 3px 0 3px; float: left; background-image: url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif); background-position: 0px, 0px; width: 12px; height: 12px;" /><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/personality_disorder_c-3_u-445630_b-12169.html">Personality Disorder</a></div><div id="b_12169" style="display: none; padding: 5px 5px 2px 15px; font-size: 0.9em; border-bottom: 1px dotted #DDDDDD;">I don&#039;t know whats going on with me, its getting worse and im getting tired. Im a boy, 20 years old and  I can&#039;t remember as many details as I would like to remember about who and what I was before that &#039;something&#039; happened thats why I&#039;ll be vague with some things. If you think you may have and idea or have some information or a good advice on this please feel free to answer cause I&#039;m desperate.  <br />I&#039;ve been in and out of psychiatric institutions since high school and I&#039;ve been diagnosed multiple times by different doctors (Antisocial personality disorder, Borderline personality disorder, Anxiety, Depression, Schizophrenia Paranoid, Schizoaffective disorder, Bipolar not otherwise specified.) When I was younger I was pretty much in control of myself, some things with me were off but nothing that really bothered me, things like excessive boredom, intrusive thoughts, derealization and depersonalizations and not being able to not to fake every social interaction, a giant disgust for every human, an entertained mind with every mechanic answer, things people could just not see, I planned everything I said and everything I did, it was automatic, It was sorta exciting getting everything I wanted, I stole things like whole outfits in expensive clothes stores even though I had the money just because it was exciting and made me feel good, I abused all kinda of drugs and people in a way, I got sorta lost in the drug path, I started getting psychotic and I did a lot of crazy things like going out of town, not sleeping, spending weeks on the street, drugs, wild parties, sex with strangers,  but then a day I started to notice that I wasn&#039;t so sure of what I was doing, something that I think I never felt before, I was kinda lost, I was kinda alone and I didn&#039;t knew what was the next step to take, like if the part of me that was sure of everything and had everything sorted out disappeared, the drugs were getting down and I was so exhausted and desperate feeling that I couldn&#039;t go out for more, now i&#039;m clean except for weed (auto medication) I became aware of every little thing but didn&#039;t know how to deal with it or what was the importance of everything, I have a cloud in my mind and im not sure of anything I don&#039;t know how to explain it, its driving me crazy, I want to stab my face multiple times after I stab everyone else, I always thought that in a way (a proxemic way) I can read peoples minds but after this happened it was like their thoughts and expression became sharp and aggressive to me, and now its like they can hear my thoughts too in that way also, something happened to my nerves, I can&#039;t be relaxed, not in my house, not in my bed, not in my sleep, I just can&#039;t relax its like If I am possessed and my brain and inside my body its burning I have ricing and negative thoughts, i&#039;m angry and irritable to the core, to the point that if some one talks to me in that moment I snap and attack them with everything I have and I hurt myself cause I need it to stop now, it so much. Everyday I end up screaming and scratching my face because I don&#039;t quite get what im feeling  but it is a lot, I can&#039;t concentrate, I can&#039;t decide between stupid easy things, I feel guilty all the time, I can&#039;t organize my mind and put whats first first, that makes me angry as ###$,  I can&#039;t sleep well, I have panic attacks, night terrors, my stomach hurst and I need to throw up since I wake up, this are just some things that are happening, there are a lot more but I don&#039;t know what its important what its not, I also some times experience selective mutism when some one asks me what is happening because my brain does not know the answer or at least thats what I think. No one has been able to help me, not the doctors, not in the clinic , I don&#039;t trust anybody and im fearing that Im gonna have to kill myself because I won&#039;t live like this my whole life, and its not getting better, 2 years now, I feel hopeless.  Alexithymia and mixed bipolar episode are things that can describe...<br /> <br /> <a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/personality_disorder_c-3_u-445630_b-12169.html" class="postlink-local">[ Continued ]</a></div>');
		
		document.write('<div style="font-size: 1.1em; margin-bottom: 5px;"><a href="javascript:void(0)" onclick="if(document.getElementById(\'b_4297\').style.display == \'none\'){document.getElementById(\'b_4297\').style.display=\'block\';}else{document.getElementById(\'b_4297\').style.display=\'none\';}if(this.style.background.search(\'https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif\') != -1){this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}else{this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}" onmouseover="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 0px\';" style="margin: 5px 3px 0 3px; float: left; background-image: url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif); background-position: 0px, 0px; width: 12px; height: 12px;" /><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/intrusive_thought_i_mastorbated_to_but_i_feel_ashamed_c-3_u-136655_b-4297.html">Intrusive thought I mastorbated to but I feel ashamed</a></div><div id="b_4297" style="display: none; padding: 5px 5px 2px 15px; font-size: 0.9em;">I&#039;m 20 and during school break one night decided to masturbate to some porn , and I came across this video and the pornstar looked alot like my mom , the actress had the same hair style my mom always wears and the pornstar was giving oral i like watching oral but she looked to much like my mom so I fast forward to where the porn star is riding the male pornstar and this reminded me of when I was a kid and my mom and her boyfriend would lock themselves in a room for hours and I thought to my self when I was masturbating that this is probably what they were doing , so I imagined the porn stars doing it in the room and this turned me on, but then I thought that it was gross cause that&#039;s what my mom and her boyfriend were doing , so I focused more on the porn star lady cause I just wanted to finish and go to bed , but now I feel like I jacked off to my mom and her boyfriend because It did arouse me a little but I tried finishing to the porn star , I feel sick , I hate that it turned me and that I didn&#039;t stop masturbating , I feel horrible , I was never attracted to my mom and I mastorbated that day because I was horny not cause I wanted to jack off to my mom but that video ****** it up , now I feel ashamed , this is serious , please HELP!</div>');
		
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